Season 9: Dallas Auditions

The 6th audition city takes us to Dallas, Texas with guest judges Neil Patrick Harris who did a great job and Joe Jonas who basically didn't even exist.

Anyway, where's how the night went:

First up is a veteran from the Idol auditions. Julie Kevelighan sang in the first season and obviously failed since you don't know her name. So, she's back and ready for more abuse. She starts off by singing "Black Velvet" and maybe there is a slight improvement over the last eight years but not an improvement that will have her advance. She starts up again now with "Over The Rainbow" and the judges still hate it. Plus, she goes for a third song with "Something to Talk About." Well, she gave us plenty to talk about...about how BAD and PATHETIC this woman is. She's nothing more than a shower singer singing into her shampoo.

We then get to meet Lloyd Thomas. Lloyd looks like an updated version of Ruben Studdard but with more personality. Lloyd sings "Overjoyed" and it was really good. The one thing I'm worried about for Lloyd is that he's one dimensional. Can he change it up when asked to sing different kinds of songs? I hope so. I'd root for Lloyd. He has a chance to be Top 24. I could also see him flopping when they do the group songs in Hollywood if he got a bad group.

Then there's Kimberly Carver who reminded me a bit of singing Monica Lewinsky but she didn't suck. That's a pun. Anyway, she sings an original song and has a nice voice. She's a bit boring too. She gets a golden ticket but she won't make it to the Top 24. Give her a consolation prize...here's your cigar !

We then get to see Erica Rhodes audition. It's so funny that she was on "Barney & Friends" and I totally know this girl. She comes in wearing this dominatrix outfit and a whip. Not sure if Barney is into S&M or what the whole costume was all about. However, after singing the Barney theme song, she went into "Free your Mind" and did a good job. She's not going anywhere except maybe back to kiddie television but I'm sure she'll create some drama in Hollywood. I'd love to see her do some Tatiana Ali crying and get all emotional as this girl bothered me a bit.

To end day #1 in Dallas, we get to meet Dave Pittman who has been diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. This makes him have some twitches in his mouth, clearing his throat, and some slight head movements but when he sang, he really had it going on. Oh, he had a funny thing going on with his nose too but Allison Irreheta made it to #3 last year with a PIG NOSE so who knows if the nose has any effect...ya know? Anyway, he sang "Bring It On Home To Me" and sung it great. It think he'll come right down to the wire on making it to the Top 24 but he'll fall just short. I can just picture him singing one of his songs really well and then breaks out into a Tourette's fit. Picture him singing "Overjoyed." "Overjoyed, we are building this castle of Muther Fucker Cock Shit Dam...."

Kicking off day #2 was Todrick Hall who was in "The Color Purple" with my "favorite" idol, Fantasia. YUCK. Todrick has a great personality and sings an original song he wrote about himself and the judges and his experience auditioning for American Idol. The song is well written, funny, and sung great. It was definitely one of my favorite performances of the night. The one question mark I have about Todrick is that he's so Broadway. Can he branch out? I'm looking forward to see more of Todrick in Hollywood week but he could be a candidate for Top 24.

We then briefly see three people who got yesses in Dawntoya Thomason, Stephane Daulong, and Meagan Wright. They all got the golden ticket but no one really excited me.

After a few more bad auditions, we get to hear Christian Spear. No, there is NO relation to Britney Spears. She was diagnosed with leukemia when she was young but has been healthy for the past 8 years. She did a good job singing some Etta James song. She did good. Was she my favorite? Hell no. But, looking forward to see how this 16 year old copes with Hollywood week.

So, that's it for Dallas. My favorites were Lloyd Thomas, Dave Pittman, and Todrick Hall. Phewww...just one more week of auditions and we get to Hollywood Week. I'm ready already.

See ya next week. Birdman Out.

Season 9: L.A. Auditions

Idol Auditions night #5 took us to L.A. where we get Avril Lavigne and then Katy Perry as guest judges. I like Avril Lavigne. I just wish she stopped dressing so dark and devilish and glamored up a bit as she could come off as so much more attractive. As for Katy Perry, she confirmed my believe that she is a miserable person with a constant sour puss on her face. Plus, she dates a total loser as well. Anyway, here' show Los Angeles played out:

First up was Neil Goldstein and I'm embarrassed to share the same religion as this guy. What a loser. I'm convinced that he put on this act to get on TV with is tongue clicking and all the stupid stuff he was saying. Fake or not, this dude had his hair like some chick in the 1950's. He sings "Rock and Roll Dreams Come True" by Meatloaf. I can see this guy sitting at home and jerking off to his Meatloaf poster which is pinned to his cork board in his bedroom. I can also see this guy dressing up in drag on the weekends as well. But as for being a singer, my wife's meatloaf after giving birth made better sounds than Neil Goldstein's Meatloaf attempt.

Next was Jim Ranger's turn. He's the worship pastor with three kids. He decides to go with an original song that he wrote himself and did a solid job. I'm not sure why some of the judges were questioning the fact that he has three kids and if he made it would have to leave them. You would think he would know the consequences if he makes it. That shouldn't have even been an issue. Just give the guy his yellow ticket and let him advance which he did. I don't think he'll make it to the Top 24 but he could be on the bubble.

We then go from a pastor to a dude named Damien, the martial artist and the guy who works with sandwiches and recommends pepperoni. He sings a Righteous Brothers song which he couldn't even remember the name of. I also think this guy was faking it by his shitty voice.

Next we get to meet Mary Powers who sings Pat Benetar's "Love Is A Battlefield." I didn't like her rocker costume but she had a good rocker voice. I think her voice was much better than Allison Irritating and she has a much better look to her unlike last year's pig. She has more of an appeal too sort of like Gina Glocksen. So, I'll say she's Glocksenish. She was a lock for Hollywood and I could see her making the Top 24 depending on how many other female rockers we get to see.

One of the worst of the night had to be A.J. Mendoza who so wants to be this year's Adam Lambert. Well, schmuck, if you watch this show year after year, you should try and be different from one of the finalists from the prior year. If you go thru the winners and runner-ups, the person winning the following year was a complete opposite. Plus, A.J. Mendoza, we already had our dose of A.J. Gill, E.J. Day, and R.J. Helton and A.J. sings "Cult of Personality." It was repulsive and I love that he thinks he was good which makes it even better that the judges basically told him he stinks. Gotta love a reality check.

Day two starts with Austin Fullmer destroying Cheap Trick. But, then we had one of the better contestants this season in Andrew Garcia. He was the one who's parents were gang members and got their son away from that route. Andrew sings a Maroon Five song and has a great voice. Plus, he's got personality. With his big plastic optical frames and smoothe voice, he's very Gokey-ish. This guy is a lock for the Top 24 and beyond.

Following was Tasha Layton who was a personal assistant during the day and a minister in the evenings. She sing some Joss Stone song but at least she kept her shoes unlike Joss. She did a good job but she's very unforgettable. She could easily be forgotten come Hollywood. What was her name again?

We get another loser in Jason Greene who sings some Divinyls song. This dude is just creepy. Katy tells Jason that she feels dirty. He tells her that she makes him feel dirty. The whole few minutes was quite disturbing. I think this guy was in my nightmare last night. We'll see him audition next year but you can probably find him in your local Blockbuster before all of those stores close down.

Finally, we get to hear Chris Golightly. He was in foster care growing up and had about 20+ different families care for him. Okay all...we got a good story. Plus, he's got that Justin Guarini hair and a good look for girls to like him. She sings a great rendition of "Stand By Me" and between his voice and story, he could grow a fan base if he performs well in Hollywood. I can see this guy making the Top 24 for sure.

Well, my favorites for the night were Andrew Garcia, Chris Colightly, and Mary Powers. I'm just glad that we only have 3 more nights of auditions before we make it to Hollywood.

Birdman Out.

Season 9: Orlando Auditions

Well, the Idol auditions now take us to Orlando, home of Mickey Mouse, with Kristin Chenoweth as this city's guest judge. Here's how it played out:

First up had to be the biggest a-hole of Season 9 in Theo Glinton. He has this giant glitter circles or mirrors on his face, tight girlie jeans, and I couldn't tell if he had boobs? Not sure if he was just a man face with a chubby woman's body. He destroys Pat Benetar's "Heartbreaker" and then the judges had to break his heart. He started up again singing "Dance With My Father" but after that performance, his father should disown him. Time to go back to working coat check at a dance club Theo.

Then it was Seth Rollins chance to sing. He was the 28 year old guy with the autistic son. Okay...we got a story...he's got the autistic card in his back pocket to move on. He sings "Someone to Watch Over Me" and had a nice voice with some soul. He could use a bit more personality but I guess it's not easy dealing with a 5 year old autistic kid which could be draining. He'll get towards the end of the Hollywood round and then I can just see him being all drained out and flopping. I hope I'm wrong so for now, Rollins is on the bubble.

One of the better contestants was up next in Jermaine Purifoy. He failed in the 7th season but is back for more. He does a great rendition of some Tony Bennett song which scored him the golden ticket. I wish his voice was a bit stronger but he had a good personality and could squeak into the Top 24 if he plays his cards right in Hollywood.

To conclude day one, we get to meet Shelby Dressel. First of all, I hate the name Shelby. Seems like most Shelby's live in the middle of the country in a trailer park, and are mostly a mess. But, if it weren't for this Shelby's partially paralyzed face, she's be somewhat attractive. Okay...I'm the most shallow person on the planet. She had a nice voice singing Norah Jones' "Turn Me On" but I just can't look at her and listen. There isn't quite a lisp but there is a sound that you can tell there is something wrong with her. Don't get me wrong, she's better than many other contestants but I just can't look and listen. I'm totally going to hell. However, I will root for this girl to go as far as possible into the Hollywood round before her pending departure.

To start the second day, we get to meet Blake Lewis part 2 in Jay Stone who did a beat boxing rendition of "Come Together" while mixing in singing and beat boxing at the same time. It was interesting to watch but it sort of gave me a headache. The shame of it is that he has a decent voice when he sang "Ain't No Sunshine" but we've been down this road before and we all know how Blake Lewis' career has turned out. So, Jay's journey will end in Hollywood.

We then briefly get to see three girls get golden tickets in Janell Wheeler doing "House of the Rising Sun", Brittany Star James doing "American Boy" and Kasi Bedford singing "Something To Talk About." All three got the golden tickets but Janell stood out among these three ladies. I don't know much about her and I guess none of these girls have a backstory but I'd love to see more of Janell sing in Hollywood.

The funniest part of the night was Cornelius Edwards singing Tina Turner's "Proud Mary" and since he hangs out with exotic dancers, he tries to do a move and goes with the split and totally splits his pants. It was fantastic. His singing was average at best but they give him the ticket anyway. Obviously, they are setting him up to fail in Hollywood.

Next up is American Idol's version of "Jersey Shore" with NJ best friends (or lesbians) Bernadette and Amanda. Bernadette sings "Hit The Road Jack" which was an odd choice. Amanda sings "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" and you know how I feel when someone sings Whitney Houston. They both do an okay job.

Now that some jeans have split, must we do the same to some sisters from Cherry Hill, New Jersey? Bernadette, 27, and Amanda, 23, live with their mom and their salon. Maybe they'll hire Theo. They do performances together every morning. They obviously love each other so much as to inspire lewd fan fiction. Should they have fans, that is. In the audition room, both sisters say they're equally talented. Didn’t we hear this a week ago? I'm sure they are gong to toy with the two of these girls in Hollywood but neither has a chance of making it. I guess they should hang out at Seaside Heights and maybe they can be in the background of MTV's hit show.

Jarrod Norrell is next with his multi-pathetic version of "Amazing Grace." It was more amazingly bad. The security guards have to remove this a-hole from the audition room. Enough about Jarrod. He'll be in prison soon.

And it looks like they saved the best for last in Matt Lawrence who is definitely this year's Michael Sarver but instead of being in construction, he's an ex-con who robbed a bank. Hey, here's a story for us on how a bank robber changed his life to try and become the next American Idol. Michael sings a song called "Trouble" which he's not in anymore with that voice. He does a great job. The only thing going against Matt is that he did rob a bank, he's not the best looking guy, and his personality is a bit boring. Besides that, he has potential. I look for him to be right on the border of the Top 24.

So, my favorites of the night were: Janell Wheeler, Matt Lawrence, Seth Rollins, and Jermaine Purifoy. None of them blew me away but these are the few that have a chance.

Well, that's it for this week. Catch ya next week...same Bird time...same Bird Channel

Birdman out.

Season 9: Chicago Auditions

Well, the auditions took us to Chicago with Shania Twain as the guest judge and here's how it played out:

First up was Katelyn Epperly with her bushy hair. She's actually a cute girl and if they fix up her hair and get rid of that pencil dot between her eyebrows, they'll make her look good when she makes the Top 24 for sure. She sings a absolutely awful song in Duffy's "Syrup and Honey" but does a great job singing such garbage. But, she has the look and personality to lure in callers so look for her to stay around for a bit.

Up next was Amy Lang who was trying to hard to be funny like last year's Normal Gentle but it wasn't working. She wasn't that funny and was trying way to hard whether is was being hyper or faking a faint before getting up to sing "Dr. Feelgood." It all wasn't working. Not sure what she was doing either with her giant boobs but that didn't turn me on either. The sad part was that despite how annoying she was, if she didn't try and put on an act, she didn't have a terrible voice. But, she's a goner. She claims she was just trying to stand out. She did stand out - as a LOSER.

We then get to meet Charity Vance. First of all, I can't stand the name "Charity." "Charity" is a WORD; it's not a NAME. Anyway, she sings "Summertime" which someone has to attempt each year since it worked for Fantasia back in Season 3 despite how much I hated her performance. The thing is that Charity has a nice voice. It's the voice that will get her through a round or two of Hollywood but she'll fall a bit short of the Top 24. I wish her voice was a bit stronger but maybe it was charity from the judges that she got the golden ticket.

And now we get to see Angela Martin...again, for the third straight season. She's the one who we saw back in Season 7 when some hospital had to take care of her daughters when she was just 21. Then, last year she made it to the Top 50 but then had to drop out because of a court date for a moving violation. So, does she get further this year? She sings Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine" and did a fine job. She was an easy choice to go to Hollywood. Now, reading a headline on the internet about Angela Martin, her mother supposedly disappeared on Christmas this past year and she has not been seen since. So, I wonder if Angela will have to drop out early again while searching for her mother. Based on that, I guess we'll see her for a 4th time next year.

The first person I can remember from Day #2 is Brian Krause who looks a bit like Benny from L.A. Law (if you are old enough to even remember that show.) He seems a bit off and was probably dropped on the head a few times as a child. I still can't decide if he's really a disaster or if he was faking the entire thing to get on TV. He sings a Tiny Tim song which sort of shows that it's a bit of a joke and the fact that when he was singing Tiny Tim that he looked a bit like Tiny Tim was bizarre as well. I think it was all an act but the fact that he kept a straight face throughout the entire audition was quite impressive. I'm sure he'll be back at his job flipping burgers before ya know it.

And what was up with Harold Davis singing that Usher song? Come on Harold, you are melting the wax in my ears !

There was then this girl named Chantelle Graczkowski who no matter what would never make it based on her name. Didn't help much either that she can't sing.

Then we get to see John Park who is shooting to become the first Asian guy to make it to the Top 12. He sings Donny Hathaway's "More Than You'll Ever Know" and does a solid job. He has a unique look and a smoothe voice so I can see this guy having a chance to make the Top 24.

The last real person of the night was Paige Dechausse who has the asthma back story. The backstory always helps especially when her parents said they thought Paige was gonna die. So, she gets some sympathy points for that. Paige sings "A Change Is Gonna Come" and does a good job. She loves herself a bit too much which could turn off the voters and the judges. I see her going to the final round in Hollywood and then could be on the bubble.

So, that was the night. Locks for the Top 24 are: Katelyn Epperly and John Park. On the bubble for the Top 24 are: Charity Vance, Paige Dechausse, and Angela Martin.

That's it. not the best night but we'll catch ya tomorrow. Birdman Out.

Season 9: Atlanta Auditions

In prior seasons, Atlanta has had some talent in Clay Aiken and Jennifer Hudson and I guess I’ll even throw in Fantasia despite how horrific she is. But after watching last night’s auditions, it looks like Atlanta has officially ran out of talent.

Taking over the guest seat is Mary J. Blige who brought absolutely nothing to the table at all. She was as useless as a fish with no gills.

First up to waste my time was Dewone Robinson who’s great uncle discovered Gladys Knight and the Pips. Unfortunately, that great uncle didn’t discover Dewone. He sings some ridiculous song he made up called “Lady, We’re Not Together Anymore.” I think I may write a sequel to that song called, “Dude, Get A Life.”

We then get a Miss Congeniality winner from a Miss America competition in Keia Johnson. She sings “My Heart Will Go On” and I think she did an okay job. She doesn’t have much of a story but she does have personality which could help her. She’s on the bubble and could maybe, if lucky, just squeak past Hollywood but I’m not 100% sure.

Jermaine Sellers is the next to stand out being a church singer from Illinois. His mother has spina bifida and has taken care of her since he was 17. He picks a weird choice singing “One Of Us” by Joan Osbourne but he did a solid job. I almost wished he did better as I think there is potential in him.

One of the more annoying contestants of the night went to Christy Marie Agronow. She’s the host of 411 The Show. Okay…whatever the hell that means. She murders Pat Benetar’s “Love Is A Battlefield.” She should stick with the 411 show that NO ONE watches.

Another werid person was next in Vanessa Wolfe, the bride jumper. Okay…ya just go to a bridge and jump into the water? That is such a trailer trash thing to do. Hey lady…whatever floats your boat. She sings some dumb ass song called “Wagon Wheel” which I’m sure most of us have never heard of before.

Will Vanessa Wolfe be one of them? Vanessa is a bridge jumper. Yes, that's what she does for fun. There's not much to do for fun in Vonore, Tennessee. She doesn't go to the movies or the mall. She feels trapped in her hometown and wants to make something of herself through Idol. With the home videos and the ads looking to be in her favor, this will probably be a good audition. She was very excited to make it to Hollywood to go on the Air O Plane. Jesus. This chick is scary and the judges are just setting her up for failure in Hollywood.

The 2nd day started with more waste of time with Jesse Hamilton. This is the welder who almost died three times and has the personality and brains of a hamster. After a while of silence, he gains his composure and sings “If Tomorrow Never Comes” and I was just hoping the end would come. I’ve already wasted enough time typing about Jesse so I’ll leave it at that.

Another annoying performance was the chick, Holly Hardin, who dressed up as a guitar. She sings “You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man” and what was crazy is that she had a decent voice. Not sure if she was trying to pull off what Norman Gentle did last year by putting on an act or it was just a ploy to make it to Hollywood but the next time she sings, she best be dressed as a girl instead of a musical instrument.

One of the better girls of the night was Mallorie Haley who did Faith Hill’s “Piece of my Heart” and did a good job. She has a cute face, a nice voice, but not the best personality. I guess Meatloaf said it best saying, “two out of three ain’t bad.”

More waste of time was in the form of Antonio Wheeler, aka Ski Bo or Ski Boy? Not sure what the hell he was saying or if he had created his own language that no one else but him understands. I believe he sang “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” and all judges liked him except Simon. The guy has the chance to be this year’s Tatiana Del Toro as the years’ most annoying contestant. He needs to calm down and act normal.

Then came the annoying BFFs in Carmen Turner and Lauren Sanders. Let’s just call them the Pretty Blonde and the Creepy Brunette. Both girls are so confident that they will make it to Hollywood but after hearing them sing, only one had a chance. So, the blonde in Carmen makes it so that could be the end of their friendship. But, I know it won’t be long before Carmen and Lauren are reunited. Reunited, and it feels so good…

One of the better guys of the night was Bryan Walker, the cop. He could be this year’s Michael Sarver. He did an above adequate job singing “Superstar.” He could be a dark horse to get into the Top 24 but if he makes the Top 12, I’d be shocked.

Then, it was time for some unemployed A-hole to sing in Lamar Royal who doesn’t know how to sing. That showed the second he started “singing” “Kiss From A Rose” and then kept on singing and was shocked that the judges didn’t like him. Unemployed and frustrated could lead to robbery. If you live in Goldsboror, NC, I’d lock your doors at night !

Finally, there was one final audition in General Larry Platt who was 62 years old and sung some ridiculous song called “Pants On The Ground.” It sort of reminded me of that other moron last year singing “I Am Your Brother”. Can’t think of his name. Anyway, this was just filler as he is 62. Wish they would have showed some more talent from Atlanta if there was any.

Personally, I don’t think ANYONE from Atlanta is worthy of Top 12 but if anyone, I’d have to go with: Keia Johnson, Jermaine Sellers, and Bryan Walker.

Until next week…Birdman Out.

Season 9: Boston Auditions

Well, season 9 kicked off with the Boston auditions and with Victoria Beckham as the guest judge. First of all, it was good to actually see her talk instead of just stand there and smirk. However, is it me or does she look like a frog? Anyway, here are my thoughts on the Boston auditions.

Kicking off the show was the first inbred (for you rookies, that is the by-product of two first cousins mating) Janet McNamara. She destroys Natasha Bedingfield's "Pockeftul of Sunshine." I guess since she was up first, they let this audition go on way longer than my ears could handle. She says she's only been singing for two years using the Idol Karoke game for training. I guess that turned out to be a waste of a Christmas present.

The first "real" singer was Maddy Curtis, the homely 16 year old read head with a down Syndrome brother. She has 9 blood siblings and then her parents decided to start collecting other Down Syndrome kids. Not to be mean, but do you really need so many kids? Does the father know what a condom is? Anyway, this chick has a story so you know she's a lock for the Top 24 unless she really cracks down in Hollywood. She sings "Hallelujah" and does a nice job. It was a little "churchy" for me but no complaints.

There was then this loser named Pat Ford. This could have been one of the more pathetic auditions of the night doing Britney Spears' "Womanizer." If anyone was the complete opposite of womanizer, it is definitely Pat Ford. Okay Pat...you have a PENIS so please do not sing female pop songs. He then calls Simon "sassy." What is wrong with this guy. He definitely has issues. Maybe the producers of Idol should give him the phone number of Danny "Danielle" Noriega as I can see them being best of friends.

Amadeo Dirocco sings some song that I've never heard of. This guy is a hard core Italian and he seemed more fit for MTV's Jersey Shore than he did for American Idol. He actually did a decent job but he will never make it to the Top 24.

We then get another creepy guy in Derek Hilton who looks a bit like Bucky Covington with bad acne. He mentioned twice about "touching kids all over the world." I thought Michael Jackson already had that job so please, no pedofiles allowed on the show ! Time to catch a bus back to your Texas Polygamist sect to hand out with freaks like Warren Jessops.

We also get another creepy girl in Mere Doyle who has this thing about Japan and Japanese animation. I feel bad for losers like Mere who's family, vocal coaches, theater directors, friends, etc keep on telling her how good of a singer she is instead of telling her she's like that owl from the Blow Pop commercials - she SUCKS.

One guy who didn't get a lot of play last night was Luke Shaffer who sings "Secondhand Seranade" and did a good job. He has a good look and hopefully he gets more play in Hollywood so people can actually remember who he is. He's could turn out to be this year's Matt Giraud, the guy who gets so little play and makes it deep.

My favorite really bad contestant of the night was Andrew Fenlon. He was the guy with the Clark Kent glasses, who looks like a cross between Joquin Phoenix and Lou Diamond Phillips and kept on complaining on how long the waiting time was. This segment went on way too long and I'm not sure if this guy was just crazy and didn't get it OR if he was just acting to get TV time. Either way, he's a goner.

My true favorite of the night was Ashley Rodriguez. This girl is going DEEP. She has the look - a cross between Rosario Dawson and Jordin Sparks. She has the voice. She has the personality. The one thing she doesn't have is the story. She has no retarded family members. She has no deaths or diseases. She has no father in prison. She's just grown up with no issues but hopefully her voice can carry her. She did a fantastic job singing Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You." Remember the name - Ashley Rodriguez. She's a LOCK for the Top 12 unless she really botches a song.

Another standout was Tyler Grady, the drummer schmuck with the bushy Justin Guarini hair who fell out of a tree and broke both writs. What a dope. They'll fix this guy up with a makeover but unfortunately, there's nothing they can do about his pig nose. But, he's got a great voice which showed during his rendition of "Let's Get It On."

Lisa Olivero kicked off day too yelling "Vision of Love" by Marian Carey. Don't people watch American Idol? You DON'T sing Mariah Carey. You have almost no chance singing a song like that as good as Mariah.

Mike Davis is a big question mark for me. He's the actor on the speedboat named "Codzilla." I can see him having the fate of a Chris Richardson if he continues to grow in the competition but he's pure boy band material. He sings "Yesterday" by the Beatles and I liked it. I just don't know if he can pull off being a soloist as I can see him more in a cheezy boy band. Still, I'm gonna root for the kid.

Then there was Katie Stevens, the Portuguese girl who has a story. Her story is that her grandmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and she want to sing for her as long as her grandma remembers who she is. I'm sure if this girl goes deep, grandma will need to be moved to a special home for professionals to take care of her. I know my grandmother when she had that horrific disease couldn't handle being in a regular house and needed care and once they start pooping themselves, it's time to get some better care. But, how can you not root for Katie. She's young and cute and can sing as she showed us belting out "At Last." She has a true chance of making it to the Top 24.

This next guy got a gift pass to Hollywood - Joshua Blaylock, the 28 year old who sang "Broken Road" and did an average job. Simon told him to be "more assertive" but this kid was the total opposite. He got the pass to Hollywood as he's a lock to fail and they need some people that will fall flat on their face getting to that round and Josh is the perfect candidate to mess up.

One of my other favorites besides Ashley Rodriguez was Justin Williams. He's this year's Danny Gokey. While Danny played the D.W.C. - Dead Wife Card - Justin is playing the C.C. - Cancer Card. But, he's CANCER FREE right now so that is GREAT. He conquered the disease and is auditioning for Idol and he's actually really good. He's got a good look which girls will love and the guy can sing. She sings "Feelin' Good" and did a fantastic job. He looks a bit soap operaish but I liked the guy. With his story, looks, and voice, look for Justin Williams to be a lock for the Top 24 and really could get into the Top 10 if he plays his cards right.

One of the funniest looking contestants EVER was next in Norberto Guerrero. Simon had the best line saying he "sings like a 3 year old girl and dresses like Latoya Jackson." When he came out, I thought he looked like a lion with his hair. What was up with that mane? This guy is stuck in the 80's. Dude...this is an audition for a show in 2010; it's not a 80's Halloween contest. He totally destroyed "Every Time We Touch" and I can't talk about this guy anymore as I feel myself about to regurgitate my coffee.

The next contestant has the best name since Anoop Desai. It's Bosa Mora, the Nigerian who looks like Djimon Hounsou. He sings George Strait's "You Look So Good In Love" which I've never heard of before. He's a bit boring and stiff and has N.S.I.H. - No Shot In Hell - of getting past the Hollywood Round. So, enjoy your golden ticket Bosa as that's the last ticket you'll have until your plane ticket home !

The final contestant was Leah Laurenti. She had a pretty look but her skirt was a bit too short showing off a little chunk in her legs. But, now that she has a ticket to Hollywood, I'm sure she'll work on that baby fat and help in her makeover. She did a good job singing "Blue Skies" but the song was too old school for her. She should have done something more modern but it was enough to advance.

So the BEST were: Ashley Rodriguez and Justin Williams.
And some other GOOD ones were: Maddy Curtis, Tyler Grady, Mike Davis, Katie Stevens and Leah Laurenti

See ya tomorrow for the next audition night !

Birdman Out.

Idol Is Back !

It's been almost 8 months since Kris Allen pulled the biggest upset in American Idol history and upset Adam Lambert. But, now the fun is back and so am I from my long hiatus. This should be an interesting year. How are we supposed to watch the judges without Paula Abdul making off beat comments and watching that train wreck say basically nothing to the contestants. Part of the allure of Idol was seeing what Paula would say next. Will Kara be as annoying this year as last year? Will Randy have more to say that his Dawg Pound comments? How is Simon going to be now that Paula is not there especially with rumors that this could be his last and final year? And how will we be able to take Ellen DeGeneres seriously? This is American Idol, not the Ellen show. I hope they don't put too much focus on her.

I love the start of Idol each year as I watch so many of these losers who don't get a golden ticket proclaim that "you haven't see the last of me" or "I'm gonna be huge and sell millions of records." I wonder what supermarket all of these failures are working on now and how many records they've sold. Answer: NONE. Most people that make the top 24 barely get a chance to sell records. And even the ones that make it deep have a hard time as well. Let's take Allison Irritating (Ireheta) for example. Everyone claimed she was SO good and was going to sell a ton of records. Well, she sold a pathetic 35,000 units in her album's first week. Of the 35,000 sales, I'm guessing that 1,000 of the sales are from her neighbors in her trailer park leaving 34,000 album sales that came from elsewhere. If you then take another 1,000 from people from her high school and another 3,000 from her hometown, that 30,000 albums sold out of the hundreds of millions of people in the country. So, I'd say that's pretty pathetic. I guess when you are a screaming pig, no one wants to buy your music. So far, 74,000 units have sold meaning there is 74,000 CDs out there that probably got played once and now rest in the jewel case.

But, I guess 74,000 units is amazing when you take last year's early favorite Danny Gokey. He hasn't sold a single album yet since his CD doesn't come out until March. Not sure what took him so long but in March, no one will give a crap about his CD as we'll be ready to hear the Top 24 sing so he really screwed up.

I thought this past season was a solid season. However, we'll never hear again from Jasmine Murray, Jorge Nunez, Alexis Grace and Tatoo Girl Megay Joy. It's even more pathetic that I remember their names. And how can we forget blind guy Scott MacIntyre. Wait until his CD comes out and rocks the charts. Then, there was Lil Rounds, Anoop Desai and Matt Giraud. Out of this group, Giraud has the most potential but I think we've seen the last of these three as well.

That leaves us with our finalists - Kris Allen and Adam "Glambert" Lambert. While Kris won American Idol, Lambert is winning the sales war outselling Allen 434,000 to 228,000 units.

Who's going to win this year? Will it be someone like Kelly Clarkson who can sing and dominate the charts while blowing up like a fat whale? Justin Guarini has had a great career since that defining moment. Will it be someone as obese as Ruben Studdard who had a nice smooth voice but should have never beat Clay Aiken. Will it be someone as annoying as Fantasia who was obviously going to be Diana Degarmo?. I really hope no one wastes their time watching her reality show "Fantasia For Real" on VH1. Or will it be someone like Carrie Underwood who has dominated the country and pop charts since beating Bo Bice? Will it be someone like Taylor Hicks looking more like my dentist than a pop star beating Katherine McPhee while Chris Daughtry should have beaten either of these two? Or will it be someone like Jordin Sparks who has had a solid pop career since beating that beat boxing loser in Blake Lewis? Or will we get someone who can rock like David Cook who beat good two shoes Disney boy David Archuleta? That leaves 4 female winners and 4 male winners.

So, with this being the 9th season and maybe final season with Simon, I'd like to give out awards to some prior contestants:

WORST SEASON & WORST FINAL 3 - Season 3 - Fantasia Barrino, Diana DeGarmo and Jasmine Trias.

WORST DECISION TO QUIT THE SHOW - Mario Vasquez in Season 4.

MOST FORGETTABLE CONTESTANT IN THE TOP 12 (A TIE) - Melissa McGhee (Season 5) and Camille Velasco (Season 3)

BEST LEGS - Haley Scarnato (Season 6)

DUMBEST CONTESTANT - Kellie Pickler (Season 5)

MOST ANNOYING CONTESTANT (A TIE) - Mikalah Gordon (Season 4) and Paris Bennett (Season 5)

WORST FEMALE VOICE - Megan Joy Corkrey (Season 8)

BEST TATTO'S - Carly Smithson (Season 7)

WORST TATTO'S - Megan Joy Corkrey (Season 8)

BIGGEST POT HEAD - Jason Castro (Season 7)

BEST DREADS - Jason Castro (Season 7)

BIGGEST TRAIN WRECK SINCE LEAVING IDOL (Tie) - Nikki McKibbin (Season 1) - Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr. Drew (Season 2) & Jessica Sierra (Season 4) - Celebirty Rehab w/ Dr. Drew (Season 1)

CONTESTANT MOST LIKELY IN PRISON - Corey Clark (Season 2 - disqualified)

BEST CAREER FOR A NON-TOP 5 FINISHER - Jennifer Hudson (Season 3)

WORST MALE VOICE (Tie) - Matthew Rogers (Season 3) and John Stevens (Season 3)

BIGGEST SHOCK - Daughtry Eliminated At #4 (Season 4)

BIGGEST HEAD SCRATCHER - Anthony Federov and Scott Savol finishing ahead of Constantine Maroulis (Season 4)

CHEESIEST CONTESTANT - Ace Young (Season 5)

MOST OVERRATED WINNER - Fantasia Barrino (Season 3)

BIGGEST POST IDOL SURPRISE - Bucky Covington's successfuly country career (Season 5)

FEMALE ROCKER WANNABE AWARD (Tie) - Allison Ireheta (Season 8) & Amanda Overmyer (Season 7)

BEST LOOKING CONTESTANT WHEN ACNE ISN'T VISIBLE - Carmen Rasmusen (Season 2)

FEMALE SIMON HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON - Christina Christian (Season 1)

STRANGEST LOOKING CONTESTANT IN TOP 12 - Kevin "Chicken Little" Covias (Season 5)

BEST BLIND GUY - Scott MacIntyre (Season 8)

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT BASED ON EARLY AUDITIONS - Chris Sligh (Season 6)

WORST ALL AROUND CONTESTANT IN IDOL HISTORY - Sanjaya Malakar (Season 6)

MOST SCREWED FOR NOT MAKING TOP 12 - Josiah Lemming (Season 7)

Well, it's time to get under way....a toast to season 9....the fun begins tonight !