Season 6: Top 10 Guys

Well, I guess even though the guys performed last night, I must send a congrats yo, to Jennifer Hudson for winning a freakin' Oscar. Very impressive. She got much more talent than both Fantasia and Diana Degarmo combined. Yup...I still have a beef with Fantasia winning. I hope "The Color Purple" closed a few weeks after she begins.

Well, I hoped the guys would be better than the prior week. They were definitely better but still, no one blew me out of the water. Here's how it went down:

Phil Stacy comes out first and sings John Waite's "I Ain't Missin' You" which was a great song choice. This guy has a good voice and for some of the song actually sounded a bit like Clay Aiken. The first 2/3rds of the song was good and then hit some power notes towards the end. Phil is definitely one of the better singers we have this year and this was a pretty good start to the evening's show.

Next up is Jared Cotter. First of all, they need to thin his eyebrows. They look like someone pasted two giant strips of black felt above his eyes. He went with a rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" which I thought was a perfect song choice. He sounded good but was a bit too much like Marvin. I wish he put more of his own spin on the song. Again, this didn't WOW me but it was pretty good.

A.J. Tabaldo hit the stage next. What is up with this guy's big white teeth. It looks like he's wearing porcelain veneers. He came out all preppy looking and sung "Feeling Good" and I have no clue what this song was. He was feeling good on the stage but I was feeling bad watching him. I thought it was terrible. It was a bad song to go along with bad dancing. It was boring and just nothing special. There were a lot of "oooooh's" and "ahhhhhh's" in the song that he did to show off his voice but it didn't work for me. I was shocked when the judges actually said they liked the song. Maybe he should track down A.J. Gill and they can come up with an album of horrific duets.

My pet peeve this year was now ready to sing - Sanjaya Malakar looking like a creepy indian version of Michael Jackson. He was dressed up as if he was going to come out and sing "Dirty Diana" with the silk shirt, the stupid hat, and the hair in a pony tail. So, I was wondering what MJ song he was gonna sing and he didn't even sing MJ. He did something complete out of the blue from his Halloween outfit. He sings "Steppin' Out With My Baby" which is more of a crooner song so I'm not sure what the whole outfit was about. Anyway, this guy does not have a strong voice. Half of the song, I almost couldn't hear what he was saying. It was like he was just going thru the motions to get the song over with. Plus, he has this girlie voice. Yeah...really creepy and I pray that people don't vote for the worst again to keep him in this competition. Sanjaya, it's time to go home to your sis.

My favorite this year, Chris Sligh was ready to sing. He sings a song called "Trouble" and this is another song who I don't know who the original artist is. First of all...what is up with Chris. He has a decent looking wife. This guy is having sex? I was shocked. But, good for him. I'm sure he'll look better and better each week as they continue to work on his image. That being said, this boy can sing. He made a song that wasn't great sound good. He's confident on stage and has a voice that is gonna keep him around for a while.

On stage now was Nick Pedro. Nick sings "Fever". Ouch. Maybe he had a fever as his performance was a vocal disaster. It was at best a performance for a good long warm shower into the shampoo bottle. He didn't show off his voice at all and I know this guy can do much better than he did. Surprisingly, the judges thought it was decent. Frankly, I thought it stunk like a skunk with a bad case of gas.

It was now beat boxer Blake Lewis' turn to shine. He sung "Virtual Insanity" by Jormaqui (can't spell this group and I'm not gonna try). He sung it really well and has great stage presence. He looks comfortable on the stage and loved the middle when he broke out into a small beatbox / scat routine before going back into the singing. It wasn't my favorite song and I know he can do much better but I think this guy is unique and can definitely do some damage this season. I guess Blake Lewis is in da house yo !

Speaking of black, one of my favorites was up next. Brandon Rogers came out and sung Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" which I thought was a great song choice if sung well. About 15 seconds into the song, Brandon became one of my least favorites. He murdered this song. What happened to his cool soulful voice we've heard last week? If this song was sung with power, he would have sailed to the Top 12. Now, after this train wreck of a performance, he's now on the bubble this week. What happened to his emotion? Where did his voice go? Mr. Rogers could have sung this song better than Brandon Rogers. I was so disappointed when he was done.

The Justin Timberlake ripoff in Chris Richardson was next. He sung a song called "Geek In The Pink". Huh? What song? From what I saw, it looked more like Geek in the horrible stripped zipper sweater. It was like I was watching Brian Austin Green (90210) singing Mraz. It was a very wannabee performance cause Chris, you may wanna be, but you ain't. I thought the dancing was terrible, it was like he had a nervous twitch with some of the dance moves. And the vocals? He sung the whole song thru is nostrils. Also, Chris...you are WHITE. Stop trying to be BLACK. It's not working.

Last to sing is Sundance Head who needed a great performance as he has not been good since his initial audition. He sung "Mustang Sally" and now I know why the judges kept on giving him another chance to come back. Why? Cause he's really good if he picks the right song. This song was perfect for him. He was in a groove from the first note until the last. He saved his ass this week and now may be a lock to make it into the top 12.

Results: Sanjaya is a goner (knock on wood). As for the other guy going home, they will have 2 guys on the stage - Brandon and Nick (or maybe AJ). I'm gonna say that Nick Pedro is the other guy going home.

I'm looking forward for the girls tonight and can't wait to see if more pornographic photos of Antonella Barba show up on the internet tomorrow. Until then...Birdman Out !

I'd Vote For Her

Can't sing but she has other assets !!!

Season 6: Top 12 Girls

Who will be the next Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood or Katharine McPhee? Notice how I left Fantasia and Diana DeGarmo out? Fantasia was the worst Idol to ever win and Degarmo was the weakest runner up so I chose to ignore the results of season 3. But, the Top 12 women performed last night.

First up is Stephanie Edwards singing some Alicia Keys song I've never heard of. Steph has this Latoya Londonish look and sound with a Mary J vibe but ya know what? I thought she did a great job to start off the show and was much better than anything we've heard the previous night. So, to Stephanie Edwards, I applaud you. Good stuff.

Next was Amy Krebs who sung Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" which is not my favorite song. If you sing Raitt or Ethridge (Melissa), then you picked a terrible song to sing and Krebs did just that. Ouch. Her voice was like a bowl of Rice Krispies sitting in sour milk making these snap, crackle and pop sounds. There is a reason why the producers didn't show much of Amy in the earlier rounds and that showed. Amy Krebs...your time on this show is ticking.

Another girl I can't stand who wasn't featured much, if at all, in earlier rounds is Leslie Hunt. She's just this weird chick who looks like a weird version of Catherine Oxenberg and Sadie (the runner-up on this past season of "The Bachelor). Plus, she's a dog walker. And what was with that outfit? I know she was trying to be sexy but it looked like she was wearing black soccer shin guards. Okay...now for the performance. She sung Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman" and I'm not a fan of this song especially since hearing it for years on some ladies deodorant commercial. She sung the song Ehhhh, but her voice was odd. It came off to me like it was a performance by a guest star on The Muppet Show except there were no muppets in sight. I'm not a Leslie fan.

Next came Sabrina Sloan singing another Aretha song "I never Loved A Man". Now, this was interesting for me. She has this Diana Ross hair, a Barbara Streisand nose, and Gloria Estefan face but has a Christina Aguliara-ish voice. I was impressed and I was not expecting much out of her. I think she could be a dark horse to go deep.

Antonella Barba hit the stage next. She is really good looking with that Eva Mendes look so I was hoping she would do good which would make her best friend even more jealous since I hated that girl. She sang Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" which was an interesting song choice. But, it wasn't working for me despite wanting to like it. It was almost as if she was this drunk sororiety girl singing in her house. I really wanted better but I guess there wasn't much talent here.

Next up is my early female favorite - Jordin Sparks, who sang Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason". Something about this girl that I like. She has a cute look and a good personality that will carry her far. And, I like what she did with the song. It was sort of what Clay Aiken and Taylor Hicks would do. They would go thru 2/3rds of the song singing good but then the final 3rd of the song was totally powerful. Plus, she had this Beyonce'ish, Kelly Clarksonish, Christina Aguilaraish sound to her. I'm rooting for this girl to go deep and I think she can get better each week.

Following Jordin was Nicole Tranquillo. She attempted to sing Chaka Kahn's "Stay". She was having such fun out there. She was confident when she was singing. She was enjoying what she was doing. She was dancing and having a blast. But, wow, this was painful to my ears. Plus, what were those weird nasal and facial expressions when she was singing. Looked like she was having diarrhea at some points of the song. I found my self focusing on my dessert more than I was on this performance. This was really bad.

Then cam Haley Scarnato who sang Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back To Me". She has this Camille Velasco (prior season) look but with a mole and a nice rack. Celine is a tough choice to sing because no one will sing a song nearly as good as her. But, it wasn't terrible. Don't get me wrong...it wasn't great either but compared to some of the other garbage we've heard, I believe she'll survive this week's cut.

Hitting the stage was Melinda Doolittle. She sings "Since You've Been Gone" by Luthor Vandross. She has this weird look to her with a big head and no neck. Sometimes, I felt like I was watching a tall dwarf sing. However she had a really good voice. It sounded a bit like Tina Turner but what was missing was the tall long legs. So, it was a solid performance but the legs missing. Also, she has a terrible name. Sounds like a kindergarten teacher. I can just see a little kid going, "Miss Doolittle...I need to pee..."

Alaina Alexander was next to sing. She sung "Brass In Pocket" by the Pretenders. This is a song I'm not a fan of by any means. She has a cute look to her almost like a very young Mariah but the voice wasn't in the same ballpark. For me, she's a bathroom singer. She is no different than my terrible voice singing in the shower. I can see her in the bathroom putting on makeup and blowing her hair while singing and thinking she's really good, but the truth is, she really isn't.

Gina Glocksen was now in the house. She sings "All By Myself" and I can't think of who sings this song. The first 90% of her singing bored the living shit out of me. It was like she was going thru the motions. However, she belted a few great notes down the stretch to save herself. She just needs to work on singing good for an entire song.

Finally, it was Lakisha Jones turn to shine. She sung "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls. The problem I have with this is that this song is Jennifer Hudson's now. This song is going to have people make comparisons. She should have chosen a song to make her own. That being said, it was one hell of a performance. This girl can sing and was definitely the best of the night. I just hope she chooses a song next week to make her own.

So, my bottom 3 for the evening are: Amy Krebs, Nicole Tranquillo, and Antonella Barba. I believe Amy and Nicole will be heading home.

And my 6 girls to make it to the Top 12 are: Lakisha Jones, Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle, Stephanie Edwards, Sabrina Sloan, and Gina Glocksen.

Let's see how these predictions hold up. Until next time...Birdman Out !

Season 6: Top 12 Men

So, the men kicked off season 6 last night and I really thought they were going to come out and knock my socks off. However, my socks remained on and the only thing that was almost knocked off was the lid of the toilet seat when I tried to puke after listening to some of these performances. Not good. Here's what happened with final predictions at the bottom.

Rudy Cardenas kicked off the show singing "Free Ride." The song really didn't fit for this guy. I could see Bo Bice singing this song...not Rudy. Rudy should have sung something like LaBamba, which I hate, but could have fit his voice much better. I thought this guy had a better voice from what I heard but I was wrong.

Brandon Rogers was up next who my wife refers to as "The Black Bon Jovi." I like this guy. He has a good look to him that the girls are gonna love. He performed Michael Jackson's "Rock With You". I didn't love the song choice as Michael is so unique that it's hard to recreate Michael's magic and make it your own. But, the guy had a decent voice. It was a cross between Brian McKnight, Al Jurreau (i can't spell), and Stevie Wonder. He definitely hit a few bad notes but I'm not worried as I think he could get better each week.

Up next was Sundance Head who was an early favorite of mine. The key word was "EARLY". Now I think he just sucks like a whore with sharp teeth - Bad Head (that's a pun). He sung "Knights In White Satin" which was an interesting song choice. His voice was all over the place. It almost sounded like I do when I'm in the shower. Maybe this guy should stop singing and audition for the World Wrestling Federation as he looks like he could be a wrestler. I'm very down on Mr. Potato Head.

Paul Kim took the stage next singing George Michael's "Careless Whisper". Wow. This was just terrible. George Michael must have been cringing in his rehab clinic when hearing this performance. I thought this guy had pipes but this was one of the worst Top 24 performances in the 6 seasons of American Idol. And dude...you ain't Joss Stone so put on your damn shoes so I don't have to see your athlete's foot.

Hitting the stage next was Chris Richardson. Yeah, yeah, yeah...they say he has that Justin Timberlake look. But, does Justin have all of those zits on his forehead? They covered them up well for his performance but time to buy some clearsil. He sung "I Don't Want To Be" which I thought was by the Black Crowes but it turns out to be by Gavin McGraw. Wait...isn't that Captain Stubbing of the Love Boat? Any-Hoooo, it was OK. It wasn't the worst and was far from the best. It was pretty meiodicre for me. If I recall, Bo Bice also sang this song and did a MUCH better job than Chris.

Well, it's now Nick Pedro's turn to charm the audience. He was a crooner in the auditions and now came out and sung "Now and Forever". What was he thinking? I thought it took "forever" for the song to end. It was SO boring that I got up to get a box of JuJubees during the performance.

Blake Lewis was next. Yup...he was the beat-boxer. He sung a song I've never heard of "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. Not sure who the hell Keane is either but hey...I like New Edition so who am I to know anything about music. He had a good look to him and I was actually surprised by his voice. I would have loved a little beat box in the middle which hopefully he'll eventually integrate but I liked it. No, I didn't LOVE it. But, it was decent compared to the crap we've heard already.

Sanjaya Malakar turn had arrived. I'm not a fan of this kid AT ALL. I can't stand his hair, his big white teeth, and his gigantic caterpillar eyebrows. He's a bit too creepy for me. He almost looks like an Indian version of Tony Orlando (some of you young people may have NO clue who Tony Orlando is...before your time) I've said it before but are you gonna shell out money for a Sanjaya Malaker CD or concert ticket? If yes, you need to enter rehab with Britney. Anyway, Sanjaya sings Stevie Wonder's "Knocks Me Off My Feet" and it truly did. It was SO bad that I lost balance and stumbled. Sanjaya should be back home with his sister very soon.

My early favorite was up next, Chris Sligh, singing a song called "Typical" which I've never heard of and don't have a clue who sings it. This guy has a unique look despite being one large fugly mutha. He looks like this big bushy dog or the chubby son of Gallagher but I like this guy. He has such a good sense of humor and he makes me laugh. Plus, the boy can sing. I don't think this was his best performance. I would love him to have sung a different song but I still believe Chris will go deep in this competition.

Jared Cotter is up next. I have to root for this guy. Even though they say he is from Long Island, he currently lives in my town of West Orange, NJ, the same place where Anwar Robinson was also from. We haven't heard much of this guy as he wasn't featured in the early rounds. But, I loved his song choice...Brian McKnight's "Back To One." It wasn't great but it was solid especially since this is really the first time we've heard must from him. I thought it was OK but some of the high notes needed some work. I'm on the bubble with this guy.

A.J. Tabaldo too the stage next to sing "Never Too Much" by Luthor Vandross. First of all, I hate it when Paula sings during a performance that is NOT good. Sit down you drug addict and listen to the performance. Okay, this guy was a bit too R.J. Heltonish (season 1) for me. I didn't like his preppy look either. This guy is not going to go far but I've been known to be wrong before. I hope I'm not wrong on this guy.

Finally, there was Phil "Kojak" Stacy. He sung "I Could Not Ask For More". The judges said the song started out bad but we had a blackout for 2 minutes so the TiVo was interrupted so I didn't hear the bad part. However, the part I did hear was great. He definitely was the strongest singer of the night as far as I'm concerned.

Well, here come the predictions. Based on last night, my bottom 3 are: Rudy Cardenas, Paul Kim, and Sanjaya Malaker. Rudy survives another week and Paul and Sanjaya go home. Not to be racist but in this country, we really don't have any Asian or Indian mega pop stars that I know of. I guess based on last night's performances, I now know why.

So, here is what I believe will be the 6 guys that make it to the Top 12: Phil Stacy, Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis, Brandon Rogers, Chris Richardson, and Jared Cotter.

I hope the girls do a better job tonight. Until then, Birdman Out !

Season 6: Top 24 !

I'm not gonna make my official picks until I hear them sing on Tuesday but here is a brief "Hate Em or Love Em":

Chris Sleigh - Love Em'

Leslie Hunt - Hate Em'

Chris Richardson - Love Em'
Sanjaya Malakar - Hate Em'

Jordin Sparks - Love Em'

AJ Tabaldo - Hate Em'

Brandon Rogers - Love Em'

As for the rest, let me wait until I hear them all sing again but it looks like this year, the Men could be a bit stronger then the woman. We shall see...

Season 6: It's Hollywood Week !

Wow...Hollywood Week has been a shocker so far. There was too many people to comment on so here are some of my thoughts.

1. This show should have been 2 hours long. It seemed like they didn't show us enough and it was rushed into a 1 hour window.

2. I was SO WRONG about Sundance Head. That guy really sucked last night.

3. I was SO DISAPPOINTED in Baylie Brown. What happened. She had the look but not the brains to remember her lyrics. And the two friends she was with got thru? Only one of them should have made it...not the girl who wanted to bang some of the other contenstants when she was up all night flirting. She'll be gone tonight.

4. GREAT JOB by Chris Sleigh and how bout the guy doing the beat-box in his group. That was definitely the highlight of the night.

5. The guy from the Navy really sucked an egg.

6. An how AWFUL was Perla. She had the look but had an attitude WORSE than Mikelah Gordon and a voice just as bad. Good bye Perla. Back to the Keroke Bar for you !

Stay tuned tomorrow for the Top 24 and next week...I'll take my first stab at the Top 12. It's IDOL time.

Birdman Out

Early Prediction

I know it's a bit early for this but my early prediction for the Final 2 are Chris Sleigh vs. Jason "Sundance" Head. I'm sure I'll be revising this once I hear the Top 24 perform but this is my first crack and making a pre-season prediction.

Season 6: Best & Worst Auditions Re-Cap

Ebony Jointer


Tami Gosnell

Okay, finally, the last of the audition shows was aired with bits from all 7 audition cities.
First there was Tami, some cab driver from Denver. I hated the piercing in her lip but thoughts she had a nice voice. She needs to dress better and make her self up a bit if she wants to make the Top 24.

Then, there was this Asian guy Paul who said he was inspired by William Hung. Oh crap. I totally thought this guy was gonna suck like a whore with sharp teeth but he actually had some pipes. And loved his song choice - Shai's "If I Ever Fall In Love Again". I'm on the bubble with this guy.

And Gina did decently too as she had made it to Hollywood last season. I was so disturbed the entire performance as I thought both of her arms were completely tattooed. Once she got the golden ticket, I realized it was a shirt and not her arms. She was OK but I was far from blown away. And please people, STOP singing "Black Velvet" already. Enough is enough.

Let's not forget the three roller-skating looking girls. First of all, don't come in as a threesome. Second, don't dress up in costumes. Third, the judges should have only picked one of the three as Ebony was the only once that could really sing. She had a good luck and a great voice and the other two could go back to Tuesday Night Keroke in College Towns. But, I'm a fan of Ebony and I hope she makes it to the Top 12.

And what was up with Wes. He wrong a song called "Don't Worry"? I'm worrying Wes. First of all, what the hell was up with that ugly mustard dress shirt. Who the hell designed that...Gluden's? Second, scrap that song. It really stinks. Third, it's time to go back home, get a job as a stock boy at your local K-mart cause you have zero singing talent.

Lakisha was decent but it was WAY too gospel for me. She belted Aretha's "Think" and I think she needs to go back to her local church. She made it to Hollywood cause she can sing but I don't think gospel music can become a #1 selling pop CD.

And finally, there was Alex, or shall I say Alexander. He was making all these weird dancing moves that he said were inspired from Paula Abdul. This boy should NEVER be allowed to do these dance moves again in the public. It was almost like he had these terrible twitches and the singing was atrocious.

Well, that's it for the auditions. There are about 174 people who made it to the Hollywood round. Early predictions coming soon.

Birdman Out.

Season 6: San Antonio Auditions Re-Cap

Baylie Brown


Jimmy McNeal

Well, auditions are finally over now that we saw San Antonio's auditions.

The first guy out claimed he won a "mock American Idol" contest. So, you gotta think that maybe, just maybe, there is an ounce of talent in him. Well, he does have an "ounce" or talent...he's a good yeller. What the HELL was he screaming? Was that "Rebel Yell" he was screaming? I almost sounded as if he was being tortured in some kind of prison camp.

Haley came out next and did a decent job. Guess she is sick of singing in wedding bands. I can't remember what she sang but she had a decent voice. It didn't blow me away but she could get better in the Hollywood round if she gives a more memorable performance.

Jasmine really sucked. I don't care that people are nervous. Tough nuggies. Sing the song. If you are nervous in front of three judges, then how are you to perform in front of 30 million people that watch the show each week.

One of my favorites of the night was Baylie Brown from the town of Krum. Now, that sounds like a hoppin' place to live. This girl was good looking and had a nice country voice and good personality. My one problem is that when I looked for a picture of her for this review, I found out that she has her own website with an album. Not sure if that would even disqualify her. If you want to see her site, you can go to: http://www.bayliebrown.com/ However, I hope she advances to the Top 24 as I think she can go far.

Then, we had the two cousins, Akron and William. First cousin...BAD. Nuns must have been turning over in their grave if they had heard his rendition of "Amazing Grace." However, his cousin had some good pipes. He's gotta work on his stage presence as I totally agreed with Simon that he was boring but a good voice prevails. He's on the bubble for the Top 24.

Then there was Sandie singing "Black Velvet." Simon wasn't even sure if she was singing in English. I was almost embarrassed for her parents but then I changed my mind and hope she gets mocked by her family, friends, and students. That was just plain old bad. I probably could pull off a better audition and can't sing at all.

And let's not forget about Ashlyn. When she came out, she looked a bit like Christina Christian from Season 1 (but not quite as good looking) so I thought she was gonna blow us away. I was just as mesmerized as the judges with her weird facial expressions. It was like she was singing with sharp glass in her mouth. It was a bit creepy but I tried to not let it bother me as I liked her look and her voice was decent. So, after she got the boot, they brought her back for a 2nd chance where she got the golden ticket. If she is gonna advance, it's gonna be on looks instead of pure talent.

Finally, there was Jimmy who was a bit Rubenesque. He had a great smile and a good soulful voice. He's on the bubble for the Top 24 as the judges liked him a bit more than I did.

Well, that's it. Hollywood Round starts next week. Stay tuned later for my early Final 2 predictions (subject to change when the Top 24 is revealed).

Birdman out.

Season 6: Los Angeles Auditions Re-Cap

Sherman Pore

Well, things were interesting in La La Land last night.

We had the pleasure of Olivia Newton John as a guest judge. She's doing a lot of judging between Idol and the Grease show.

But, what started off the auditions had to be the most bizarre of any audition ever. What was up with this Martique guy? Not sure why the HELL he would go with the Kevin Federline look. Not too smart on his part. He claimed he was the most exciting entertainer on earth. Okay...maybe in an S&M club ! What the hell was he doing? He was pacing around like a panther, making panther roars with clawing motions. I think this guy belongs in an institution.

I think next was a guy Sholandric Stallworth. He looked like Mr. T (less the jewelry) but instead of the mohawk, he had his hair slicked back like a vampire and he had this gigantic white teeth. It almost reminded me of that "Friends" episode with Ross and the white teeth. He sings, "If Ever Your In My Arms Again." It should have been more like "If Ever I Hear You Sing Again."

Then, the highlight of the night was Marianna. Her mom used to be an entertainer but this girl is a train wreck. First of all, what was up with her crooked mouth? Is she just getting over a bout with Bells Palsy? Secondly, she has a terrible voice. She attempted to sing "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" The answer: You Should Go! It was sort of Cher-ish but, sort of NOT Cher-ish either. It's hard to explain. She was getting down on her knees and begging. Personally, if she was on her knees, she probably should have gone UNDER the table on her knees in Simon's direction and I still don't think that would have helped her get to Hollywood. I loved that she was crying and that her dreams came crashing down. This is a perfect example of a reality check. Now, it's time to finish up school and get a job like the rest of us. Or, she can choose to be a struggling singer the rest of her miserable life. I could care less but this audition was American Idol at its finest.

There was some good performances. I was into Brandon who was a background singer. He had a good look to him. I thought he looked like a black Juan Epstein (Welcome Back Kotter). This guy had a hell of a voice. I HATED the song he sung. I think he sang a Kenny Rogers song. Black men should NOT sing country music. He should have came out and belted a Brian McKnight song but he got the ticket to Hollywood so hopefully his song choices will improve as the competition goes on. He is a lock for the Top 24.

Alaina Alexander was decent. It was her last shot before officially giving up singing. She sang some Michael Buble song. First of all, enough with this Bubble guy. His songs seriously bore the crap out of me. Her performance was OK. Nothing mind-blowing. She's off to Hollywood but I can't see her making the Top 24 unless something miraculous happens.

But, what the hell was up with Phong? First of all, this girl comes out with teeth the size of a giraffe and has this weird obsession with Taylor Hicks. Honey...you are about the furthest thing from Taylor Hicks as they come. Phong sung "Dancing In the Streets" trying to dance like Taylor. When the performance was over, my eyes were hurting. Hopefully I didn't catch glaucoma from this girl. I HATE when people blame nerves on their poor performance. I wish they would just admit that they can't sing. Phong should be doing a duet with William Hung. Can you imagine a CD titled Phong & Hung? Or how about this tag line: ET Phong Hung.

There was one guy Brian who received a gold ticket on Season 5 and wanted to try again. Personally, he wasted his time. He got to the Hollywood round again but he's not going any further than that. He has this cheesy soft voice and a this look that irritates the hell out of me. This guy is nothing more than an off-Broadway background vocalist.

Another highlight was Sherman. The 65 year old man who just lost his wife two days earlier to cancer. I thought he did great for his age and hope his wife was watching. Everyone, please join me in a moment of silence for Sherman's late wife.

And we can NOT forget Sparkles and Darryl. They have been IN LOVE for two years since meeting at a bus stop in Compton. Sparkles was enormous and Darryl with his silver teeth looked more like a member of the Crips or Bloods. Neither could sing.

And what about the final guy, Eric. He has studied Robert Plant and Michael Jackson for 2 years for this audition. I can't remember what he sang but it was some horrific Black Sabbath song that no one has ever heard of unless they listen religiously to Black Sabbath. Then, he changes his pitch and sings a Hillary Duff song. Come on. This is just a guy wanting to get on TV. I thought it was funny the whole sketch with the Paula and Randy "How To Sing" CD but I think that whole thing was all set-up by the Idol producers.

Well, I believe we are down to one more city. We are getting close to the beginning. Until then...Birdman Out !

Season 6: Birmingham Auditions Re-Cap

Chris Sligh

Well, American Idol was back at it again last night brining us auditions from Birmingham, Alabama, the same place that found us Bo, Ruben, and Taylor. So, will we strike it rich this time in the deep south?

First up is a girl named Erica who will try and become a dentist if singing doesn't work out. Well honey, it's time to send out those applications to dental school. I can't stand all of these people singing "Unchained Melody." Yeah yeah yeah...we know it WAS Simon's favorite song but the way people keep on butchering it, I'm sure it is not his favorite song any more.

Then, how bout Katie. She was sort of cute and had a decent singing voice but what the hell was up with her talking voice? Her voice was so bizarre, almost like a nasal cartoon character. Good for her that she made it to Hollywood but her stint out there will be short lived.

But, my favorite of the night was Chris Sligh. He looked like a cross between Jack Osbourne and Carrot Top. But, the boy had pipes singing "Kiss From A Rose." Plus, he had a good sense of humor especially when he talked about wanting to make Hasselhoff cry. Love this guy. He's a shoe-in for the Top 12 cause he has that different look and sound that people like. And wait until they give this guy a makeover. I'm sure he'll look totally different. This guy has potential to go deep. Can you imagine if he is in a group in Hollywood on stage with that guy Sundance Head? Move over Hall & Oates, it's now Sligh & Head time !

Another solid singer was Tatiana. I can't remember what she sang. She slightly irritated me ala Paris Bennett but I won't fully hate her yet until I get to know her better. And Bernard was really good singing "Rock With You". What kind of drugs was Paula on telling this guy "no" but he made it with "yes" from the other two judges. This guy had a good look and girls will like him. I think he has a shot at the Top 24 but not convinced if he can go much deeper than that yet. Only time will tell.

And Holy crap...what was up with that large chick in that pink mesh top with a black tank top under it and this gigantic belly. It almost looked like her top was damp with the black under the pink. And she was also wearing a Michael Jackson glove. Before she sang, the judges should have told her to "Beat It." She butchers some Whitney Houston song. This girl should be performing at the freak show of a circus.

And I have another "holy crap"...how about Margaret. She came out dressed looking like Big Bird in this yellow feathered smock-dress-outfit capelike disaster of a garment. I'd love to hear what Joan Rivers would say about the outfit this lady picked out. Austin Scarlett of Project Runway couldn't even have created something so hideous. Plus, she looked like she was about 65 years old. I'm not sure if this was a true performance or just a stunt by the Idol producers to let her sing since it was so "out-there."

And day one ended with Jamie Lynn wearing a shirt that stated she was a blue-eyed bombshell. Okay...gotta love the self-confidence. This girl had a backstory that would blow away even the writers of "Days Of Our Lives." There was cheating, a shooting, a paralyzed dad, etc... He singing was ehhhhh. It wasn't the worse and was far from the best but I had no problem that she got the pass to Hollywood. I think it could have been a sympathy pass but whatever.

The second day started a bit weird but at least we didn't have to deal with Paula. This chick Victoria came out with Crystal Gayle like hair. He has NEVER cut her hair and her mom hasn't cut her hair in years. Now, I have to ask, "Why???" Do you think this as attractive? Are you doing it to save money at the salon? Do you think a guy is EVER gonna want to sleep with you with that hair? When she walks, it's almost like she is a walking Swifter as her hair drags on the floor picking up all the dust particles. She totally killed a Josh Groban song. Groban needs to be sung with someone with a powerful voice and this girl's voice was dreadful.

Another interesting audition was Brandy who believes she is a great singer. She sings "Like A Virgin" which probably describes her very well. Simon's response of "rotten" said it all. She feels that she could sing better on the carpet than on the wood floor. I can't even remember what she sung on the carpet but it was definitely just as bad, it not worse than the singing on the wood.
So, that was Birmingham. I think 20 singers got the golden ticket. Only 3 more episodes left of auditions before the Hollywood round ! Yipee.

Birdman Out !

Season 6: New York Auditions Re-Cap

Ian Bernado

New York, New York...start spreading the news. We are in the Big Apple. The City that never sleeps. The auditions continued here on Brodway so let's see how they did.

First of all, what is up with Carol Bayer Sager. What is up with all that plastic surgery and why did you have the surgeon make you look exactly like Joan Collins? She was hard to look at.

Okay, the first guy out was Ian Bernado. I know his name cause the moron had it silk screened to his T-shirt. He was a terrible dancer when he auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance. And, now here is his singing "Gloria." I personally think this guy just wanted to be on TV. It was pretty fake if you ask me. He was annoying as hell but since I don't think he was serious and just wanted to put on his routine, I'm not gonna put any effort in bashing this f**kin' loser.

Next up was this Jewish girl...I think her last name may have been Goldberg, Goldstiein, Goldman, or something with a Gold. She came out with this horrific red cowboy hat and couldn't keep a note. She wanted the judges to teach her how to sing. Hey Goldylocks...take some lessons to learn how to sing and then maybe try out. Personally, it would be a waste of your time and money. Give up your dream and apply to Wal*Mart as a cashier.

There was a positive note in the evening. How about this girl who cut school and then had to tell her dad she cut school to try out for Hollywood. It wasn't the best performance but it was solid. Now, let's just hope that when she gets home, her dad doesn't beat the living crap out of her.

Oh, and let's not forget Ashanti. First of all, change your name. I think we got an Ashanti already making albums. Second, you made it to the Hollywood round twice and didn't get past that so why waste your time trying again. It turned out to be a total waste of time. She probably could get a job singing in local town productions and maybe be a lead singer in a group of Christmas Carolers.

Amanda and Antonella were positives in the evening. I can't remember which was which so I'll refer to them as the white one and the black one. The white one had a decent voice but her voice wasn't strong. She has a long shot of making the top 24. However, her 'BEST" friend, the black one, had the look and the pipes to make the Top 24 if not further. She could be the Vonzell Solomon of this year's crop.

And we even had some more talent as well. There was a guy Nicholas who quit the competition the prior year when forgetting the lyrics to "Buttercup". Come one dude...this is not a tough song to remember. Anyway, Paula loved this guy's look and he had a nice voice. I'm not sold him yet but he could be one of those tough decisions on whether he makes the top 24 or not.

Holy crap...before I forget. What was up with that guy Chris who they said looked like Simon Cowell but when he sung, he sounded exactly like a girl. It was beyond creepy. This guy has pedofile written all over his face.

Another decent singer was Porcelana. Interesting name huh? She used to be a chubby girl but went on the Biggest Loser diet and looked great. She had an interesting voice as well so she could garner votes from the horny boys going thru puberty.

I was not a fan of Rachel the opera singer. I didn't think she even sung the opera that well. She got a pass to Hollywood but she's a goner in the first elimination they have as she ain't going anywhere with that irritating voice and look.

One of the best performance of the night was from Jenry, a good looking black man who is just 16 years old. He looks like his is in his mid 20's. Paula was starring him down like a piece of meat. Paula, can you say "statutory rape"? This guy's looks and talent could take him pretty deep in the competition.

Another guy that could go deep is Chris Richardson. Randy said he looks a bit like Justin Timberlake. So, he has the girls vote in his favor if his voice is as strong as it was last night. He's not a lock for the Top 24 but definitely has a chance.

There was also this irritating girl Sarah who claimed she is tone deaf and can't sing. She claims you don't have to sing to be an American Idol and used Paris Hilton as an example. That's is true, Paris can't sing but she isn't an American Idol either. This girl was putting on a routine. At a few points, it looked like she was gonna laugh at what she was doing. This was an example of someone trying to be so irritating and strange just to get on TV. I didn't buy the performance one bit. Oh, and she sucked too.

And the final contestant was Isadora who Ryan kept on calling Julie. This girl was just bizarre. She was attempting to sing "Lady Marmalade." Before she sang, she said she has sung with George Clinton and in other places were I can get arrested." What the hell does that mean? Anyway, her singing sounded like moaning almost like if she was having an orgasm on stage. It was beyond horrible to listen to and I'm glad this was the final performance because I couldn't listen to more of anyone like her.

Well, that's the scoop. Birdman Out.

Season 6: Memphis Auditions Re-Cap

Things got a bit bitter in Memphis last night. I was a bit nervous that we'd have tons of Elvis impersonators singing Elvis songs. Personally, Elvis is dead and let's keep him that way. I can't stand looking at him or people that dress up like him. I hate his songs and people who sing his songs. Nuff said.

Move over Jordan Sparks, you are now not the only person to be a sure lock for the Top 12. The new sheriff in town is Sundance Head. Yes, I said Sundance Head. That's the dude's real name, I shit you not. This guy, a bit hefty, comes out with this gigantic goatee looking more like a WWF wrestler than a singer. But, once he said that his dad had a #1 hit that was knocked out of the top spot by The Beatles, you knew this boy had pipes. And hell yeah, the boy can sing. Not quite sure what horrific song he sang but you can tell this guy is going deep. What makes it ironic is that he said his father hates the Beatles and rumor has it that Paul McCartney is one of the people on the show this season.

The first singer was a guy named Frank. Frank is the cheerleader captain for his high-school team. Awwwww, Frankie, isn't that sweet. Gimme an N. Gimme an O. What's that spell "NO !" The performance wasn't terrible, but it was a bit odd.

After that, that,there were three straight people that I didn't understand a word they said. One was named Tamika. It was the first bad Tamika since Season 1's famous Tamika. This one was no better. This girl was dumb as nails and I'm guessing she dropped out of school after 3rd grade. Then, there was Alexis who looked like a giraffe. Did you see her gums? This girl needs severe orthodontic work. Plus, she doesn't quite now how to speak or sing the English language either. Then, one guy followed and I couldn't understand a world he sung either. What is going on in Memphis? Are these people educated?

Then there was this guy who looked a bit like Fidel Castro. Not quite the image of a pop star. The judges gave this guy a pass to Hollywood. I would have given him a flights to Cuba. I was not impressed with this guy one bit.

Another bright spot was Melinda, the back-up vocalist. Not sure who she sang back up for but she had a decent voice. However, I'm not completely sold on her yet. Her biggest issue is her last name. It's Doolittle. I ain't running out to buy the new Doolittle album. Hell's no!

Oh, and let's not forget that loser who's wife just left him and he came in and sung "Footloose." This guy may have squashed his chances of finding a new wife after that audition. If I recall correctly, this is the guy who took the tissue out of his fly. Okay...that's a bit odd.

Finally, another girl I liked was Danielle McCullough. She was the cute blonde that sung some Aretha Franklin song. I think with a makeover, she'll have the looks to get to at least the Top 24.
I'm looking forward to New York Auditions tonight.

Birdman Out.

Season 6: Seattle Auditions Re-Cap

Darwin "Meisha" Reedy

From the city that gave us the overrated Nirvana, Seattle was the next city to show us what they got and from what I saw last night, they don't got much.

There were some bright spots and one stand out. A shoe-in for the Top 12 is Jordan Sparks. The second she walked in, this girl had the look, personality, and the style. Now, she just had to be able to sing. And boy did she ever. She belted out "Because I Love You" by Celine Dion and it blew me away. Remember the name cause she is going DEEP in this competition.

There was another kid with spiked hair that was decent but didn't blow me away. He truly needs an image makeover.

Oh, and let's not forget the brother/sister combo of Sonjay and Shyamali. They had decent voices. The boy was a bit better than the girl. However, the boy was a bit creepy looking with the long hair. They may crack the Top 24 if they are lucky but there's no way in hell that they are going any further than that.

Some guy Rudy made it to Hollywood singing "Open Arms". I can't even remember exactly what I didn't love about him but the Judges gave him a pass to Hollywood. And let's not forget about the 6' 7" woman singing "Respect". My lord that bitch was TALL. She sang decently but she should probably focus her efforts on getting drafted for the WNBA (ladies basketball).

I do have to give Hats Off to the Beat Box Champion. I actually though what he did was pretty interesting. He could be a dark horse if he remains original and if he can really sing. He's a big question mark for me but could sneak into the Top 24.

However, most of the night consisted of duds. Why did this show have another guy dressed up in Red, White, and Blue like Uncle Sam? And this guy sung "God Bless America." Yeah...that's a great pop song to sing. After he dressed up as a state trooper in a previous season singing "I Shot The Sherrif", you'd think he would have taken enough abuse to not audition again.
Ahhhhh, and then there was Jennifer. Oh, I mean "HOT" Jennifer as she called herself. She came out with a pointy nose like the Wicked Witch and her upper lip was right under her nose. Isn't there supposed to be a space between the nose and the upper lip? She was arguing that the judges knew nothing about music. I'm sure we'll see her accepting a Grammy real soon...NOT !

Let's not forget about Darwin "Meisha" Reedy, that chubby bleach blond with bright red lipstick who was there with her transsexual looking mother. Now, these were very creepy people. She sang the Pussycat's "Don't You" and I was flabbergasted. However, I believe this was totally staged. This seemed too bizarre to be real. It was like watching a bad skit on Saturday Night Live. So, I'm not really going to touch this subject because of my opinion that it was fake. Even if it was fake, it made me think back to the train wreck from last season, none other than Mary Roach.

There was also this guy who looked exactly like Taylor Hicks but was a hairdresser. He sort of came off like he was drunk. I hope he is a good hairdresser because he has no future in the music industry.

Seattle had it's share of inbreds (by-products of first cousins mating) - Ken & Jonathan - who became friends at the audition. I can't even remember what they sang because it was so horrendous. Ken, really short, came out with these bulging eyes and the Judges pretty much said he looked like a monkey.l They were right on the money. And then his chubby friend Jonathan, looking a bit like a retarded version of Chris Farley, came out and wrecked a song as well. I almost felt bad for these two as they were not normal individuals.

Oh, and let's not forget Carleen. She came out with these enormous arms that we couldn't tell if she was sunburned or what the hell was on her. It turned out that it was some pink netting that didn't quite keeps the blubber in place. I've never seen an outfit like this in my life. I almost spit out a girl scout cookie I was eating when I first saw her. Plus, she couldn't sing. You'll see her on a future "American Idol" special recapping the Worst Of The Worst.

One of my favorite bad singers of the evening was Nick from Utah. He looked like a total nebbish with a hair part right down the middle of his hair. He sung "Unchained Melody" and destroyed the song. He was worse that William Hung could have ever been. This guy needs to quit his job as a software engineer and never show his face in public again.

The show ended with the Red headed lumberjack, axe murder looking dude. I think his name could have been Steve. He sung Bohemian Rhapsody which his version should have been retitled Bohemian Crapsody !

So, that was Seattle. Not the best city I've seen. Let's hope the future cities bring more talent that Minnesota and Seattle did.

Until next week...Birdman Out !

Season 6: Minneapolis Auditions Re-Cap

Perla Menses

So, it's been a while since we last spoke. But, now I'm back and ready to critique the American public that is competiting for the ultimate prize - American Idol Champ.

Will we have someone who can sing like Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Katherine McPhee, or Clay Aiken? Will there be the next Bo Bice, Taylor Hicks, or Chris Daughtry? Or, will we get shlubs like Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, or Elliot Yamin. Will 2nd place this year be better than Justin Guarini and Diana DeGarmo? And who win this year's MGPB Award, that's the Mikalah Gordon / Paris Bennett Award for being the MOST annoying singer of the season. But what we love is controversy. Like each season, the person to get to #4 and get eliminated was really the most talented - Tamayra Gray, Latoya London, and Chris Daughtry. And look at the big surprises we've seen. Yup...good ole Jennifer Hudson, eliminated in the #7 slot just won a Golden Globe. What the hell. Who will suck? Who will amaze? Who will surprise? And what drugs will Paula be taking this season? Well...the fun starts now !

The night started out perfect with this cheeseball named Jessica who works in the Mall of America. I hope for her sake that she didn't quit her job. She was devastated when the judges said she couldn't sing. Some people may thing what the judges do is mean but personally, it's giving these morons a reality check to stop following their dreams because it isn't gonna happen and figure out a different career. Nothing is better when someone thinks they are good get told the news that they are not and begin crying and are shocked that they didn't make it. I don't feel bad for these people at all. The judges are not the mean ones. The mean ones are the family and friends that encourage one to go on a show like this making the singer think that they really have talent. This makes for great TV.

Okay...what was up with that dork in the cowboy hat singing Johnny Cash? He must be tone deaf. And how about that loser dressed in red, white, and blue like Apollo Creed from the Rocky movies. Did he really think that dressing up like a flag would get him to the next round? I'm not even sure what to mention next as there was SO few people that I thought were good and there was not a single person that blew me away where I said, "That person will DEFINITELY be in the Top 12." That being said....

The highlight of the night had to be that Trista chick saying she could do a great impression of the lion from the "Wizard Of Oz." She came in and sung "King Of The Forrest" and when she belted it out and did that lion growl, Dorothy, Scare Crow, and Tin Man must have gone to the porcelain bowl to barf. That was beyond bizarre, but again, quite entertaining. Can you imagine being seen by 25+ million people putting on such a horrendous performance and then having to show your face at work or school the next day. I hope for her sake that she's on vacation this week.

Then there was some dude singing while juggling sticks. Okay...that's really cool, if your are ELEVEN years old. Oye Vey ! And holy crap, what was up with the chick that had Ace Young design a tattoo for her? She sang "Under Pressure" and Freddy Mercury must have been turning over in his grave if he had caught that performance.

Another classic moment was this guy who came in with a full beard and said it was an "Urban Amish" look. He never saw American Idol cause he doesn't have a TV. Huh? No TV? What does he do for entertainment? He must live on a farm so I'm guessing he's into bestiality. "Hey Mister Sheep...I'm bored...bend over....baaaaaa, baaaaaaaaa !"

Oh, and how about the guy who claimed he could hit notes that Mariah Carey hits? He starts singing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Hello. Dude...you are a GUY. You should NOT be signing Celine songs...PERIOD ! He claimed he was nervous that some water would help him. He comes back and sings just as bad, if not worse. Maybe he should have gotten a glass of talent instead of a glass or water.

Oh, and the Vocal teacher cracked me up. He comes out and blows into a pitch pipe. I can't even remember what he sang cause it was so painful to listen to. Ahhhh, now I remember. He sings Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing." and boy did he miss it. He claimed he once performed a song at Disney World but hopefully that was only in the presence of his family in his motel room.

And one more classic moment was the girl who tried to sing Prince's "Kiss" and kept on forgetting the words but they let her sing and sing and sing. She was definitely not prepared. I guess she should have used more Preparation H.

And then there was the girl who was OK, not the worst, but her boss flew her out cause they liked they way she sung around the office. I can't imagine what I'd do if one of the girls at work just started belting out tunes all the time and it wasn't that good. I'd probably kill myself.

Finally, there was one more really bad singer that stood out. Some "rocker" dude sang as if he was squeezing out doody. The judges told him to come back and sing an Abba song. What he did to Dancing Queen was unexplainable. I actually had to lower the volume as I was getting an ear ache.

But, the show wasn't all that bad. There were a few standouts but not many. There was the Navy guy who was decent. There was the16 year old Paris Bennett look-a-like who's mother was a crack addict, and there was the Columbian girl who was a Sharika rip-off. These three were good but I wouldn't put them in the Top 24. There were a few others but it was VERY few. I think they said the count was 17 that made the Hollywood round. We probably heard maybe 5 of them so hopefully the other 12 can sing.

Looking forward to more auditions tonight.
Birdman Out