Well, another year of American Idol has begun with so many new questions to ponder? Will Paula Abdul be on as many drugs as she's been on the past few seasons? Will Randy stop saying "Dawg." Will the new judge Kara DioGuardi be as annoying as I think she will be? Will Simon go softer on the contestants due to the Paula Goodspeed suicide? I believe these answers are Yes, No, Yes, and No.
But, it's time to focus on the singers. Who will be this year's American Idol? Will it be someone as bad as Fantasia Barrino? Will it be someone who sells less albums that Taylor Hicks? Will it be someone who has nicer legs than Haley Scarnato or nicer cleavage than Katherine McPhee? Will the winner have a better voice than Clay Aiken or be a bigger drug addict than Nikki McKibbin? Or could the winner be as squeaky as Paris Bennett or someone as overrated as Ruben Studdard? Who will be this year's Sanjaya Malakar as one of the worst singers to dawn the Idol stage? Will we have a person that has no midsection like Melinda Doolittle or someone as unforgettable as Julia Demato? Or will we have another dreadlocked pot head who cant sing make it deep ala Jason Castro? Or, will someone as annoying as Mikelah Gordon make the top 12? Could it be someone as dumb as Kellie Pickler or someone right from the trailer like Bucky Covington? Or how about someone as cheesy as Ace Young or someone as boring as John Stevens? Who knows. But, I'll be ready to pick my winner over the next two weeks. I'm 2 for 2 the past two years calling the winner in the early auditions round so if I make an early call, starting placing that bet in Vegas as it could be a sure thing!
Already looking at the calendar, I know the Idol finale is probably May 20th. We are due to give birth on May 31st so you know I'll be in the hospital for the big finale. That would be just my luck. So, let's delve into what happened last night when season 8 kicked off from Phoenix. Wait...did I just say "delve?" Please shoot me as I HATE that stupid word.
First of all, we had a brief power outage so the first person I saw was the dude with the big afro - Tuan Nguyen. What the hell was that on his head? I bet you there are bees and other insect that life in that nest. Dude...it's the 2000's...get out of the 70's and shave that muff off because you look ridiculous. He tells the judges he wasn't to be as BIG as Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. Okay...good luck with that. It figures he sung (or butchered) a Michael Jackson song, "The Way You Make Me Feel". I feel embarrassed for him that 20 million people watched him make a complete jackass out of himself.
Next up was Emily Hughes. When I saw her, I was like "Uh-Oh!" She had this pinkish / yellowish Cindi Lauper like, Nikki McKibbinish hair, tons of tattoos, those huge earrings that stretch your earlobe out, and a lip ring. Hey...it's her choice but people who do that can't really think they look good...right? I know they are trying to make a statement but I'm not quite sure what that statement is. It surely isn't a fashion statement. She was to sing Heart's "Barracuda" and I thought she was gonna be terrible but Kudos to Emily; she was the first good singer of the night. She had a good rocker voice; much better than that pig, Amanda Overmyer, from last season. She should be a lock for the top 36.
Then there was Randy Madden. He was such the Axel Rose wannabee coming out in his rocker outfit that was leftover from Halloween with his stupid bandana on his head. Come on dude. Don't you ever watch the show? Did Bo Bice, Constantine, David Cook, or Daughtry EVER come out looking so ridiculous? I actually still had hope since he was this emotional guy. But, when he destroyed Bon Jovi's "Livin On A Prayer," I was ready to see him cry some more. Boo Hoo...so sad...NOT ! He said he's never had a singing lesson or has never been in a band. It definitely showed.
J.B. Ahfua was next. He was that Phillipino looking kid with the good voice. He reminded me of a smaller R.J. Helton but he was decent. He has a chance of making it into the Top 36 but he's definitely not Top 12 material. But, he did sing Rubeen Studard's "Flying With Out Wings." When will these people learn NOT to sing a prior Idol's coronation song.
Following him was Michael Gurr. This kid was dorky, sweaty, and wearing a shirt right off the K-Mart racks. He sang almost as if he was on the toilet having diarreha. What was that sound coming out of his mouth? Dead people at the morgue can sing better. And, he picked a Carrie Underwood song. Dude....don't sing a song from a chick who won Idol especially if you are a guy. Scary. After his audition, he had to get medical attention. Hopefully the doctors take out his voice box.
Next up was Aundre "X-Ray" Caraway with is guitar. He was this mariachi looking guy who couldn't dance or sing and didn't even use the guitar for the audition. He was singing something about a cactus and then he started moaning towards the end of the song? Was he having an orgasm? I really don't want to know the answer to that question.
Ariana Afsar, a 16 year old girl, came out next. I wasn't sure what she sang but had an OK voice. The judges seemed to like her so good luck in Hollywood as she won't really get any further than that. I wasn't totally sold on her. Time to finish up high school dudette
Then there was Elijah Scarlett. Was this guy right out of "The Gods Must Be Crazy?" (That's a movie if you didn't know). He had the deepest voice you've ever heard. He wasn't the brightest fellow either. He must have been dropped on a rock as a youngster. At least he'll have a prosperous career as a cashier.
One of the most annoying girls of the night was next, Lea Marie Golde. She was the girl in the pink cowboy hat, pink shirt, and jean mini skirt. I wanted to gag her the second I saw her even before she sang. Then, she had this stupid book of songs she wrote to show to Kara. Come on...enough with the ass kissing. He singing was so nasal and not quite good which came as a shock to her. It's time to either burn the song book or sell it to someone with a voice. She sounded like she was in a bad high school play for the partially deaf. I'm so glad she won't be in Hollywood as I may have slit my wrists if I had to see this chick again.
Then came Stevie Wright, (not to be confused with the comedian Steven Wright) named after Stevie Nicks. She sang Etta James' "At Last" and did a great job, plus, she has personality. About time someone with nice pipes. She should be a lock for the Top 36.
And could we possible see two good singers in a row? YES. Michael Sarver was next to audition. He was the big guy who worked on oil rigs. When he said he was gonna sing Boys II Men's "Thank You.", I got a bit scared but I LOVED it. He reminded me a bit of Matthew Rogers of Season 3 but even better. What white guy do you know who could pull off Boys II Men besides myself in a shower? He was my favorite at this point of the show so far.
Then, auditioning was Katrina Darrell, aka The Chick In The Bikini. Yeah, she had a nice body with small boobs and nice legs. Yup...we found this year's Haley Scarnato. This girl wasn't terrible but wasn't fantastic. I've heard a lot worse so she'll have a chance in Hollywood to see if she can improve. I loved that she was going back and fourth with Kara (the judge) who is dead weight as far as I'm concerned. I give her an A for looks and a C+ for talent.
Following the nudity was Sexual Chocolate, Eric Thomas. He destroyed a Stevie Wonder song. When I heard this, I was wishing Stevie Wonder was deaf instead of blind.
Then there was Brianna Quijada. She first sang "Let's Hear It For The Boy" from Footloose and it was Ehhhhhh. Since she had a good personality, they let her sing "Killing Me Softly" and it was "Killing Me Period". She just wasn't prepared and maybe a bit nervous. Better luck next year gal.
Deanna Brown was next singing "Dock Of The Bay". She was plain and blonde but look what they did with Brooke White last year. She had a good voice so she could easily make the Top 36 and I'm sure they'll improve her image as well.
Cody Sheldon was next to audition. He reminded me a bit of Danielle Noriega (Daniel) of last season but not Asian. This guy was into horror films and thought he was gonna sing an edgier song but sung "Wonderful World" and he was wonderful. I thought he did great. I hope he doesn't take the Josiah Lemming route and get too cocky in Hollywood as this kid belongs in the Top 36 for sure.
Following was Alex Wagner -Trugman (I think that was his last name). He was a bit dorky but so was Clay Aiken when he first auditioned. He also likes to sing in the closet because of mold. Gross. Why don't his parents get rid of the mold? He sang a James Ingram song and I liked it. He'll be on the bubble for the Top 36 but I'd root for this kid.
Finally, Phoenix ended with Scott MacEntyre, aka The Blind Guy. Ray Charles is dead. Stevie Wonder can't sing well anymore. I can't stand Andrea Bochelli. So, I'm ready for the new breed in B.M.T. - Blind Musical Talent. Scott sings Billy Joel's "And So It Goes" and nailed it. And, this guy is also a piano man so once he gets to Hollywood and sits behind a piano, he'll sound even better as that is where he feels most comfortable. I'm totally rooting for this guy and I think he can make it DEEP into the Top 10 for sure.
So, my locks for the Top 36 are: Emily Hughes, Stevie Wright, Michael Sarver, Deanna Brown, Cody Sheldon, and Scott MacEntyre.
See ya tomorrow in Kentucky.
Birdman Out.
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