Auditions: Dallas Recap

Well, night #2 brought us to Dallas and compared to Philadelphia, I was a bit disappointed. But, let's kick it off.

First up is Jessica Brown. She has a decent look to her. I wasn't sure what was up with her lips if those were cold sores, chapped lips, some kind of small deformity, or if it was a burn from her days of being a meth-head. But, it seems she got her life back together. She sung "I'll Stand By You" by The Pretenders and did a good job. It didn't blow me away but it was a nice way to kick off the night.

Next up was Paul, a avid member of the American Rollercoaster Enthusiasts and currently a parking attendant. Paul is a large man. He's really awkward and I wasn't sure if he was slightly mental. I sort of felt bad for the guy. Being a Rollercoaster guy, maybe he should leave the parking business and work for an amusement park. But, singing is out of the question.

There was also this girl Aliana who had a Carrie Underwoodish look to her. Same body type, same hair, similar face, except for the small gap in her front teeth but that can be fixed. This girl, with the right coaching, can definitely improve but I'm not putting any money down on her yet.

Oh, then there is poor Bruce. This guy NEVER kissed a girl. Yeah...he's only 18 years but he has this weird thing going on with his father where Bruce wears this key around his neck and his father wears this heart so when he meets the right girl, the dad gives the girl the heart so Bruce can take his key and open up her heart. That is the QUEEREST thing I've ever heard. This kid is totally hooking up with his father. There is NO way he isn't. This was just creepy and quite disturbing to see. He's voice was decent but he didn't make it to Hollywood. Maybe he should take a trip to Nevada and hit up the Bunny Ranch.

Another interesting contestant was Pia. She had this mohawk-like hair-do with parts or her head shaved and parts of the side of her head and face tatooed. I actually thought she had a good audition and sung decently.

And Brandon Green, the guy who looked exactly like Elliot Yamin, collects fingernail clippings. DUDE. What is up with that? What the heck are you gonna do with the collection and WHY are you walking around with it? Does he think if he wins American Idol that they'll be worth anything on Ebay? Throw those clippings in the garbage NOW and do NOT bring them to Hollywood. However, he did have a nice voice so he moved on.

Then there was Kayla who got in the bad car accident and destroyed half her face and her eye. I HATED her performance. There was much worse in the evening but it was by no means good. I think with her tragedy, the judges went the sympathy route and let her go to Hollywood where she'll be cut in the first elimination.

The final audition of the day belong to Kady Malloy. She has a good look to her and loved her impression of Britney. She has good range and has a unique look to her so I'm officially putting her in my Top 24.

The most entertaining performance of day #2 belonged to Douglas Davidson. He started singing Bon Jovi and had a hard time with the basic pronunciation of words. It wasn't a lisp but it was some weird speech impediment. He just kept on singing and making this bizarre sounds with his voice to hit the high notes. I could have listened to an hour of this guy as I was cracking up. If you ever see this guy in a dark parking lot, get in your car and lock the doors. He's a bit off and I can see him attacking someone in a mall parking lot. Beware of Doug !

Surprisingly, I liked Kyle. He's the guy who came in wearing a tie and wanted to be governor of Oklahoma. He has this weird look. Almost looks like a miniature version of "It's Pat." But, I liked his voice. He could be a dark horse ala Chicken Little (Kevin Covais) of 2 seasons ago. Go Kyle !

And what was up with Tammy. She had on that ugly red shirt and seemed to be missing part of her brain. She was as dumb they come. She butchered some Celine Dion song and didn't even know the name of the song she was singing until she had to be corrected. Time to go back to your job as a cashier in the flea market Tammy.

Colton Swon had a good voice but I found him cheesy with his Ryan Cabrea hair and his thick bushy eye brows that looks like obese caterpillars over his eyes. If he fixes his hair and trims his eyebrows, he has a shot of the Top 24 but he's gotta fix himself up a bit.

And why does the farmer who's never been on a plane always make it to the Hollywood round? This year, it's Drew. Every year we get one of these farmer dude who's never left his town. I can't see him getting past the next round.

Also, there was this creepy guy named Kyle. He looked like a really tan version of Charlie Schlatter (18 Again) with the eyeliner. He's a school counselor for kids that wears eyeliner. If he was my daughter's teacher, I'd pull her out of that school.

Finally, there was this guy Renaldo who looked like a cross between a pimp and a bull fighter. He can't sing with a damn but the song he wrote "We're Brothers Forever" was entertaining. If William Hung can get a record deal for remaking Ricky Martin's "She Bangs", then this loser should be able to make a CD sing of "We're Brothers Forever."

So, that was it for the night. My favorite of the night went to Kady Malloy and there were a few other decent singers but I haven't seen enough yet to slot them into the Top 24. At least we have a few days to recover before we have to suffer through more auditions. But until then...

Birdman Out.