Louisville Auditions

First of all, after watching the Louisville auditions, I vow to NEVER go to that city. What a bunch of inbreds. I must say that Louisville was much better than San Francisco so let's see what went down:

First up is Tiffany Shedd. She was the 18 year old blond, with black eyebrows, and that HUGE mole on her breasts. If you are gonna wear a shirt that shows cleavage, you need to get that thing removed. She was such a hick with a terrible accent. She tells us that she sings private concerts for her mother. Okay...that would make your album sales equal 1. That's 499,999 more to go to get gold album. Anyway, she went the Mariah Carey route of singing "Hero". Now, I know she wasn't deaf and I know she didn't have laryngitis so there was no excuse for the judges to let her sing more than the first sentence. She claims she is "never gonna give up" so I guess that means more concerts for her mother (that poor woman).

The next contestant we see is Joanna Pacitti. She's the pretty one with nice eyes and dark hair. She's been in the music business and has been signed by A&M. I guess she's this year's Carley Smithson. She decided to sing "We Belong" by Pat Benatar which was a great choice. I think between voice, personality and appearance, she could be on the cusp of the Top 12.

Then came Mark Mudd wearing those stupid ties with the rubber stands hanging down looking like a stethoscope. These things should be banned. Our vice principal in high school wore one of these and looked like a total jackass. Anyway, this Mudd guy is the product of what happens when first cousins mate. He's a bit "off" and looks like he's on death row or soon to be on it after threatening the judges with his "be careful." Hey...if he's gonna kill someone, make it be Kara. Anyway, where's this guy's teeth? And, he said he's 25 years old but looks 40. I'm not sure what the hell he was singing but it didn't matter as he has as much talent as a circus clown's pubic hair.

Following was Brent Keith. Supposedly, he was a finalist from "Nashville Star" but I guess that didn't pan out. This guy has a good look and girls will love him. He reminds me a bit like Chris Richardson but better looking and a much better singer. He sings a Bad Company song and did a good job. He'll be standing there in the top 36 for sure.

After a montage of some pathetic souls, out came Matt Giraud, the dueling piano player. Supposedly, he taught himself how to play piano four years ago with out a lesson. This guy was one of my favorites for all the audition episodes so far. If he improves his personality, he could go deep. I'm looking forward to see what he can really do while singing with a piano. But, this guy could be a dark horse this season.

Then there was Ross Bradley Plavsic, another Kentucky inbred. He was talking about Chinese characters and their radicals. I'm not sure what the f**k he was talking about nor do I care. I just wanted to hear him sing and then get the boot as you knew that was gonna happen. He has this odd voice where is sounds almost like a ghost or a ghoul. I guess he could probably do a great rendition of "The Monster Mash" but I don't see him doing any more in the music world besides that. I guess it's back to his arithmetic dissection of the Chinese logarithms and radical hypothesis theory.

That ended the first day. I believe they said that ten contestants made it through to Hollywood. I think they showed us only like three of them. Come on...I want to see people that can sing. If I wanted to see shitty singing, I can watching myself sing in the mirror.

Kicking off day two was Alexis Grace. She was the cute girl that has a daughter that she takes care of while the father attends military school. She actually did a great job and has a strong voice. Her singing wasn't quite my taste but she did a good job. She'll be in the Top 36 but I'm not sure if she can squeak into the Top 12. But, she has a good story and they gave her a lot of air time so who knows. The jury is still out on her.

Then there as Aaron Williamson, another Louisville product. This guy comes out saying "I want to win America's Next Top Model." Ha ha. So, we got a comedian. Dude...you gotta come up with something funnier than that especially if you can't sing. This guy reminds me of Hanging With Mr. Cooper. This guy yells Credence Clearwater's "Have You Ever Seen The Rain" and it was painful, irritating, annoying, loud, bad, etc... I was about to hit Mute on the remote until they finally had this guy stop.

After that disaster, we had Rebecca Garcia, another inbred, who reminded me of a duck. She destroyed a Carrie Underwood song and forgot the words even though she had a cheat sheet on her wrist. The judges thought she just wanted to get on TV as it was so bad and I was thinking the same until she started crying. So, she was either a good actress or she was really serious. I'm glad they offended her and made her cry to give her a reality check. I got one thing to tell you Rebecca, "Quack quack."

For some reason, we then get a montage of four decent singers that make it to Hollywood that we only see a few seconds of. Not sure why we don't see more of these people but we have to sit through Aaron Williamson and Rebecca Garcia.

Finally, the show ends with Leneshe Young. She was the young girl who grew up homeless with her mom and siblings. Yeah, she's got a nice backstory but this girl is totally this year's Paris Bennett less the squeaky voice. She sings an original song which was horrible even though she showed she has a decent voice. She didn't blow me away and she's my first big target of the season - I can't stand this Leneshe chick !

Well, that was it. Another pathetic night had come to an end. My favorites of the night were Joanna Pacitti, Brent Keith, Matt Giraud, and maybe I'll throw Alexis Grace in the mix.

So, only one more week to go until Hollywood week. Until then...Birdman Out.