Idol Is Back !

It's been almost 8 months since Kris Allen pulled the biggest upset in American Idol history and upset Adam Lambert. But, now the fun is back and so am I from my long hiatus. This should be an interesting year. How are we supposed to watch the judges without Paula Abdul making off beat comments and watching that train wreck say basically nothing to the contestants. Part of the allure of Idol was seeing what Paula would say next. Will Kara be as annoying this year as last year? Will Randy have more to say that his Dawg Pound comments? How is Simon going to be now that Paula is not there especially with rumors that this could be his last and final year? And how will we be able to take Ellen DeGeneres seriously? This is American Idol, not the Ellen show. I hope they don't put too much focus on her.

I love the start of Idol each year as I watch so many of these losers who don't get a golden ticket proclaim that "you haven't see the last of me" or "I'm gonna be huge and sell millions of records." I wonder what supermarket all of these failures are working on now and how many records they've sold. Answer: NONE. Most people that make the top 24 barely get a chance to sell records. And even the ones that make it deep have a hard time as well. Let's take Allison Irritating (Ireheta) for example. Everyone claimed she was SO good and was going to sell a ton of records. Well, she sold a pathetic 35,000 units in her album's first week. Of the 35,000 sales, I'm guessing that 1,000 of the sales are from her neighbors in her trailer park leaving 34,000 album sales that came from elsewhere. If you then take another 1,000 from people from her high school and another 3,000 from her hometown, that 30,000 albums sold out of the hundreds of millions of people in the country. So, I'd say that's pretty pathetic. I guess when you are a screaming pig, no one wants to buy your music. So far, 74,000 units have sold meaning there is 74,000 CDs out there that probably got played once and now rest in the jewel case.

But, I guess 74,000 units is amazing when you take last year's early favorite Danny Gokey. He hasn't sold a single album yet since his CD doesn't come out until March. Not sure what took him so long but in March, no one will give a crap about his CD as we'll be ready to hear the Top 24 sing so he really screwed up.

I thought this past season was a solid season. However, we'll never hear again from Jasmine Murray, Jorge Nunez, Alexis Grace and Tatoo Girl Megay Joy. It's even more pathetic that I remember their names. And how can we forget blind guy Scott MacIntyre. Wait until his CD comes out and rocks the charts. Then, there was Lil Rounds, Anoop Desai and Matt Giraud. Out of this group, Giraud has the most potential but I think we've seen the last of these three as well.

That leaves us with our finalists - Kris Allen and Adam "Glambert" Lambert. While Kris won American Idol, Lambert is winning the sales war outselling Allen 434,000 to 228,000 units.

Who's going to win this year? Will it be someone like Kelly Clarkson who can sing and dominate the charts while blowing up like a fat whale? Justin Guarini has had a great career since that defining moment. Will it be someone as obese as Ruben Studdard who had a nice smooth voice but should have never beat Clay Aiken. Will it be someone as annoying as Fantasia who was obviously going to be Diana Degarmo?. I really hope no one wastes their time watching her reality show "Fantasia For Real" on VH1. Or will it be someone like Carrie Underwood who has dominated the country and pop charts since beating Bo Bice? Will it be someone like Taylor Hicks looking more like my dentist than a pop star beating Katherine McPhee while Chris Daughtry should have beaten either of these two? Or will it be someone like Jordin Sparks who has had a solid pop career since beating that beat boxing loser in Blake Lewis? Or will we get someone who can rock like David Cook who beat good two shoes Disney boy David Archuleta? That leaves 4 female winners and 4 male winners.

So, with this being the 9th season and maybe final season with Simon, I'd like to give out awards to some prior contestants:

WORST SEASON & WORST FINAL 3 - Season 3 - Fantasia Barrino, Diana DeGarmo and Jasmine Trias.

WORST DECISION TO QUIT THE SHOW - Mario Vasquez in Season 4.

MOST FORGETTABLE CONTESTANT IN THE TOP 12 (A TIE) - Melissa McGhee (Season 5) and Camille Velasco (Season 3)

BEST LEGS - Haley Scarnato (Season 6)

DUMBEST CONTESTANT - Kellie Pickler (Season 5)

MOST ANNOYING CONTESTANT (A TIE) - Mikalah Gordon (Season 4) and Paris Bennett (Season 5)

WORST FEMALE VOICE - Megan Joy Corkrey (Season 8)

BEST TATTO'S - Carly Smithson (Season 7)

WORST TATTO'S - Megan Joy Corkrey (Season 8)

BIGGEST POT HEAD - Jason Castro (Season 7)

BEST DREADS - Jason Castro (Season 7)

BIGGEST TRAIN WRECK SINCE LEAVING IDOL (Tie) - Nikki McKibbin (Season 1) - Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr. Drew (Season 2) & Jessica Sierra (Season 4) - Celebirty Rehab w/ Dr. Drew (Season 1)

CONTESTANT MOST LIKELY IN PRISON - Corey Clark (Season 2 - disqualified)

BEST CAREER FOR A NON-TOP 5 FINISHER - Jennifer Hudson (Season 3)

WORST MALE VOICE (Tie) - Matthew Rogers (Season 3) and John Stevens (Season 3)

BIGGEST SHOCK - Daughtry Eliminated At #4 (Season 4)

BIGGEST HEAD SCRATCHER - Anthony Federov and Scott Savol finishing ahead of Constantine Maroulis (Season 4)

CHEESIEST CONTESTANT - Ace Young (Season 5)

MOST OVERRATED WINNER - Fantasia Barrino (Season 3)

BIGGEST POST IDOL SURPRISE - Bucky Covington's successfuly country career (Season 5)

FEMALE ROCKER WANNABE AWARD (Tie) - Allison Ireheta (Season 8) & Amanda Overmyer (Season 7)

BEST LOOKING CONTESTANT WHEN ACNE ISN'T VISIBLE - Carmen Rasmusen (Season 2)

FEMALE SIMON HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON - Christina Christian (Season 1)

STRANGEST LOOKING CONTESTANT IN TOP 12 - Kevin "Chicken Little" Covias (Season 5)

BEST BLIND GUY - Scott MacIntyre (Season 8)

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT BASED ON EARLY AUDITIONS - Chris Sligh (Season 6)

WORST ALL AROUND CONTESTANT IN IDOL HISTORY - Sanjaya Malakar (Season 6)

MOST SCREWED FOR NOT MAKING TOP 12 - Josiah Lemming (Season 7)

Well, it's time to get under way....a toast to season 9....the fun begins tonight !