Season 9: Boston Auditions

Well, season 9 kicked off with the Boston auditions and with Victoria Beckham as the guest judge. First of all, it was good to actually see her talk instead of just stand there and smirk. However, is it me or does she look like a frog? Anyway, here are my thoughts on the Boston auditions.

Kicking off the show was the first inbred (for you rookies, that is the by-product of two first cousins mating) Janet McNamara. She destroys Natasha Bedingfield's "Pockeftul of Sunshine." I guess since she was up first, they let this audition go on way longer than my ears could handle. She says she's only been singing for two years using the Idol Karoke game for training. I guess that turned out to be a waste of a Christmas present.

The first "real" singer was Maddy Curtis, the homely 16 year old read head with a down Syndrome brother. She has 9 blood siblings and then her parents decided to start collecting other Down Syndrome kids. Not to be mean, but do you really need so many kids? Does the father know what a condom is? Anyway, this chick has a story so you know she's a lock for the Top 24 unless she really cracks down in Hollywood. She sings "Hallelujah" and does a nice job. It was a little "churchy" for me but no complaints.

There was then this loser named Pat Ford. This could have been one of the more pathetic auditions of the night doing Britney Spears' "Womanizer." If anyone was the complete opposite of womanizer, it is definitely Pat Ford. Okay Pat...you have a PENIS so please do not sing female pop songs. He then calls Simon "sassy." What is wrong with this guy. He definitely has issues. Maybe the producers of Idol should give him the phone number of Danny "Danielle" Noriega as I can see them being best of friends.

Amadeo Dirocco sings some song that I've never heard of. This guy is a hard core Italian and he seemed more fit for MTV's Jersey Shore than he did for American Idol. He actually did a decent job but he will never make it to the Top 24.

We then get another creepy guy in Derek Hilton who looks a bit like Bucky Covington with bad acne. He mentioned twice about "touching kids all over the world." I thought Michael Jackson already had that job so please, no pedofiles allowed on the show ! Time to catch a bus back to your Texas Polygamist sect to hand out with freaks like Warren Jessops.

We also get another creepy girl in Mere Doyle who has this thing about Japan and Japanese animation. I feel bad for losers like Mere who's family, vocal coaches, theater directors, friends, etc keep on telling her how good of a singer she is instead of telling her she's like that owl from the Blow Pop commercials - she SUCKS.

One guy who didn't get a lot of play last night was Luke Shaffer who sings "Secondhand Seranade" and did a good job. He has a good look and hopefully he gets more play in Hollywood so people can actually remember who he is. He's could turn out to be this year's Matt Giraud, the guy who gets so little play and makes it deep.

My favorite really bad contestant of the night was Andrew Fenlon. He was the guy with the Clark Kent glasses, who looks like a cross between Joquin Phoenix and Lou Diamond Phillips and kept on complaining on how long the waiting time was. This segment went on way too long and I'm not sure if this guy was just crazy and didn't get it OR if he was just acting to get TV time. Either way, he's a goner.

My true favorite of the night was Ashley Rodriguez. This girl is going DEEP. She has the look - a cross between Rosario Dawson and Jordin Sparks. She has the voice. She has the personality. The one thing she doesn't have is the story. She has no retarded family members. She has no deaths or diseases. She has no father in prison. She's just grown up with no issues but hopefully her voice can carry her. She did a fantastic job singing Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You." Remember the name - Ashley Rodriguez. She's a LOCK for the Top 12 unless she really botches a song.

Another standout was Tyler Grady, the drummer schmuck with the bushy Justin Guarini hair who fell out of a tree and broke both writs. What a dope. They'll fix this guy up with a makeover but unfortunately, there's nothing they can do about his pig nose. But, he's got a great voice which showed during his rendition of "Let's Get It On."

Lisa Olivero kicked off day too yelling "Vision of Love" by Marian Carey. Don't people watch American Idol? You DON'T sing Mariah Carey. You have almost no chance singing a song like that as good as Mariah.

Mike Davis is a big question mark for me. He's the actor on the speedboat named "Codzilla." I can see him having the fate of a Chris Richardson if he continues to grow in the competition but he's pure boy band material. He sings "Yesterday" by the Beatles and I liked it. I just don't know if he can pull off being a soloist as I can see him more in a cheezy boy band. Still, I'm gonna root for the kid.

Then there was Katie Stevens, the Portuguese girl who has a story. Her story is that her grandmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and she want to sing for her as long as her grandma remembers who she is. I'm sure if this girl goes deep, grandma will need to be moved to a special home for professionals to take care of her. I know my grandmother when she had that horrific disease couldn't handle being in a regular house and needed care and once they start pooping themselves, it's time to get some better care. But, how can you not root for Katie. She's young and cute and can sing as she showed us belting out "At Last." She has a true chance of making it to the Top 24.

This next guy got a gift pass to Hollywood - Joshua Blaylock, the 28 year old who sang "Broken Road" and did an average job. Simon told him to be "more assertive" but this kid was the total opposite. He got the pass to Hollywood as he's a lock to fail and they need some people that will fall flat on their face getting to that round and Josh is the perfect candidate to mess up.

One of my other favorites besides Ashley Rodriguez was Justin Williams. He's this year's Danny Gokey. While Danny played the D.W.C. - Dead Wife Card - Justin is playing the C.C. - Cancer Card. But, he's CANCER FREE right now so that is GREAT. He conquered the disease and is auditioning for Idol and he's actually really good. He's got a good look which girls will love and the guy can sing. She sings "Feelin' Good" and did a fantastic job. He looks a bit soap operaish but I liked the guy. With his story, looks, and voice, look for Justin Williams to be a lock for the Top 24 and really could get into the Top 10 if he plays his cards right.

One of the funniest looking contestants EVER was next in Norberto Guerrero. Simon had the best line saying he "sings like a 3 year old girl and dresses like Latoya Jackson." When he came out, I thought he looked like a lion with his hair. What was up with that mane? This guy is stuck in the 80's. Dude...this is an audition for a show in 2010; it's not a 80's Halloween contest. He totally destroyed "Every Time We Touch" and I can't talk about this guy anymore as I feel myself about to regurgitate my coffee.

The next contestant has the best name since Anoop Desai. It's Bosa Mora, the Nigerian who looks like Djimon Hounsou. He sings George Strait's "You Look So Good In Love" which I've never heard of before. He's a bit boring and stiff and has N.S.I.H. - No Shot In Hell - of getting past the Hollywood Round. So, enjoy your golden ticket Bosa as that's the last ticket you'll have until your plane ticket home !

The final contestant was Leah Laurenti. She had a pretty look but her skirt was a bit too short showing off a little chunk in her legs. But, now that she has a ticket to Hollywood, I'm sure she'll work on that baby fat and help in her makeover. She did a good job singing "Blue Skies" but the song was too old school for her. She should have done something more modern but it was enough to advance.

So the BEST were: Ashley Rodriguez and Justin Williams.
And some other GOOD ones were: Maddy Curtis, Tyler Grady, Mike Davis, Katie Stevens and Leah Laurenti

See ya tomorrow for the next audition night !

Birdman Out.