In prior seasons, Atlanta has had some talent in Clay Aiken and Jennifer Hudson and I guess I’ll even throw in Fantasia despite how horrific she is. But after watching last night’s auditions, it looks like Atlanta has officially ran out of talent.
Taking over the guest seat is Mary J. Blige who brought absolutely nothing to the table at all. She was as useless as a fish with no gills.
First up to waste my time was Dewone Robinson who’s great uncle discovered Gladys Knight and the Pips. Unfortunately, that great uncle didn’t discover Dewone. He sings some ridiculous song he made up called “Lady, We’re Not Together Anymore.” I think I may write a sequel to that song called, “Dude, Get A Life.”
We then get a Miss Congeniality winner from a Miss America competition in Keia Johnson. She sings “My Heart Will Go On” and I think she did an okay job. She doesn’t have much of a story but she does have personality which could help her. She’s on the bubble and could maybe, if lucky, just squeak past Hollywood but I’m not 100% sure.
Jermaine Sellers is the next to stand out being a church singer from Illinois. His mother has spina bifida and has taken care of her since he was 17. He picks a weird choice singing “One Of Us” by Joan Osbourne but he did a solid job. I almost wished he did better as I think there is potential in him.
One of the more annoying contestants of the night went to Christy Marie Agronow. She’s the host of 411 The Show. Okay…whatever the hell that means. She murders Pat Benetar’s “Love Is A Battlefield.” She should stick with the 411 show that NO ONE watches.
Another werid person was next in Vanessa Wolfe, the bride jumper. Okay…ya just go to a bridge and jump into the water? That is such a trailer trash thing to do. Hey lady…whatever floats your boat. She sings some dumb ass song called “Wagon Wheel” which I’m sure most of us have never heard of before.
Will Vanessa Wolfe be one of them? Vanessa is a bridge jumper. Yes, that's what she does for fun. There's not much to do for fun in Vonore, Tennessee. She doesn't go to the movies or the mall. She feels trapped in her hometown and wants to make something of herself through Idol. With the home videos and the ads looking to be in her favor, this will probably be a good audition. She was very excited to make it to Hollywood to go on the Air O Plane. Jesus. This chick is scary and the judges are just setting her up for failure in Hollywood.
The 2nd day started with more waste of time with Jesse Hamilton. This is the welder who almost died three times and has the personality and brains of a hamster. After a while of silence, he gains his composure and sings “If Tomorrow Never Comes” and I was just hoping the end would come. I’ve already wasted enough time typing about Jesse so I’ll leave it at that.
Another annoying performance was the chick, Holly Hardin, who dressed up as a guitar. She sings “You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man” and what was crazy is that she had a decent voice. Not sure if she was trying to pull off what Norman Gentle did last year by putting on an act or it was just a ploy to make it to Hollywood but the next time she sings, she best be dressed as a girl instead of a musical instrument.
One of the better girls of the night was Mallorie Haley who did Faith Hill’s “Piece of my Heart” and did a good job. She has a cute face, a nice voice, but not the best personality. I guess Meatloaf said it best saying, “two out of three ain’t bad.”
More waste of time was in the form of Antonio Wheeler, aka Ski Bo or Ski Boy? Not sure what the hell he was saying or if he had created his own language that no one else but him understands. I believe he sang “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” and all judges liked him except Simon. The guy has the chance to be this year’s Tatiana Del Toro as the years’ most annoying contestant. He needs to calm down and act normal.
Then came the annoying BFFs in Carmen Turner and Lauren Sanders. Let’s just call them the Pretty Blonde and the Creepy Brunette. Both girls are so confident that they will make it to Hollywood but after hearing them sing, only one had a chance. So, the blonde in Carmen makes it so that could be the end of their friendship. But, I know it won’t be long before Carmen and Lauren are reunited. Reunited, and it feels so good…
One of the better guys of the night was Bryan Walker, the cop. He could be this year’s Michael Sarver. He did an above adequate job singing “Superstar.” He could be a dark horse to get into the Top 24 but if he makes the Top 12, I’d be shocked.
Then, it was time for some unemployed A-hole to sing in Lamar Royal who doesn’t know how to sing. That showed the second he started “singing” “Kiss From A Rose” and then kept on singing and was shocked that the judges didn’t like him. Unemployed and frustrated could lead to robbery. If you live in Goldsboror, NC, I’d lock your doors at night !
Finally, there was one final audition in General Larry Platt who was 62 years old and sung some ridiculous song called “Pants On The Ground.” It sort of reminded me of that other moron last year singing “I Am Your Brother”. Can’t think of his name. Anyway, this was just filler as he is 62. Wish they would have showed some more talent from Atlanta if there was any.
Personally, I don’t think ANYONE from Atlanta is worthy of Top 12 but if anyone, I’d have to go with: Keia Johnson, Jermaine Sellers, and Bryan Walker.
Until next week…Birdman Out.
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