Well, the Idol auditions now take us to Orlando, home of Mickey Mouse, with Kristin Chenoweth as this city's guest judge. Here's how it played out:
First up had to be the biggest a-hole of Season 9 in Theo Glinton. He has this giant glitter circles or mirrors on his face, tight girlie jeans, and I couldn't tell if he had boobs? Not sure if he was just a man face with a chubby woman's body. He destroys Pat Benetar's "Heartbreaker" and then the judges had to break his heart. He started up again singing "Dance With My Father" but after that performance, his father should disown him. Time to go back to working coat check at a dance club Theo.
Then it was Seth Rollins chance to sing. He was the 28 year old guy with the autistic son. Okay...we got a story...he's got the autistic card in his back pocket to move on. He sings "Someone to Watch Over Me" and had a nice voice with some soul. He could use a bit more personality but I guess it's not easy dealing with a 5 year old autistic kid which could be draining. He'll get towards the end of the Hollywood round and then I can just see him being all drained out and flopping. I hope I'm wrong so for now, Rollins is on the bubble.
One of the better contestants was up next in Jermaine Purifoy. He failed in the 7th season but is back for more. He does a great rendition of some Tony Bennett song which scored him the golden ticket. I wish his voice was a bit stronger but he had a good personality and could squeak into the Top 24 if he plays his cards right in Hollywood.
To conclude day one, we get to meet Shelby Dressel. First of all, I hate the name Shelby. Seems like most Shelby's live in the middle of the country in a trailer park, and are mostly a mess. But, if it weren't for this Shelby's partially paralyzed face, she's be somewhat attractive. Okay...I'm the most shallow person on the planet. She had a nice voice singing Norah Jones' "Turn Me On" but I just can't look at her and listen. There isn't quite a lisp but there is a sound that you can tell there is something wrong with her. Don't get me wrong, she's better than many other contestants but I just can't look and listen. I'm totally going to hell. However, I will root for this girl to go as far as possible into the Hollywood round before her pending departure.
To start the second day, we get to meet Blake Lewis part 2 in Jay Stone who did a beat boxing rendition of "Come Together" while mixing in singing and beat boxing at the same time. It was interesting to watch but it sort of gave me a headache. The shame of it is that he has a decent voice when he sang "Ain't No Sunshine" but we've been down this road before and we all know how Blake Lewis' career has turned out. So, Jay's journey will end in Hollywood.
We then briefly get to see three girls get golden tickets in Janell Wheeler doing "House of the Rising Sun", Brittany Star James doing "American Boy" and Kasi Bedford singing "Something To Talk About." All three got the golden tickets but Janell stood out among these three ladies. I don't know much about her and I guess none of these girls have a backstory but I'd love to see more of Janell sing in Hollywood.
The funniest part of the night was Cornelius Edwards singing Tina Turner's "Proud Mary" and since he hangs out with exotic dancers, he tries to do a move and goes with the split and totally splits his pants. It was fantastic. His singing was average at best but they give him the ticket anyway. Obviously, they are setting him up to fail in Hollywood.
Next up is American Idol's version of "Jersey Shore" with NJ best friends (or lesbians) Bernadette and Amanda. Bernadette sings "Hit The Road Jack" which was an odd choice. Amanda sings "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" and you know how I feel when someone sings Whitney Houston. They both do an okay job.
Now that some jeans have split, must we do the same to some sisters from Cherry Hill, New Jersey? Bernadette, 27, and Amanda, 23, live with their mom and their salon. Maybe they'll hire Theo. They do performances together every morning. They obviously love each other so much as to inspire lewd fan fiction. Should they have fans, that is. In the audition room, both sisters say they're equally talented. Didn’t we hear this a week ago? I'm sure they are gong to toy with the two of these girls in Hollywood but neither has a chance of making it. I guess they should hang out at Seaside Heights and maybe they can be in the background of MTV's hit show.
Jarrod Norrell is next with his multi-pathetic version of "Amazing Grace." It was more amazingly bad. The security guards have to remove this a-hole from the audition room. Enough about Jarrod. He'll be in prison soon.
And it looks like they saved the best for last in Matt Lawrence who is definitely this year's Michael Sarver but instead of being in construction, he's an ex-con who robbed a bank. Hey, here's a story for us on how a bank robber changed his life to try and become the next American Idol. Michael sings a song called "Trouble" which he's not in anymore with that voice. He does a great job. The only thing going against Matt is that he did rob a bank, he's not the best looking guy, and his personality is a bit boring. Besides that, he has potential. I look for him to be right on the border of the Top 24.
So, my favorites of the night were: Janell Wheeler, Matt Lawrence, Seth Rollins, and Jermaine Purifoy. None of them blew me away but these are the few that have a chance.
Well, that's it for this week. Catch ya next week...same Bird time...same Bird Channel
Birdman out.
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