This is the night we've all been waiting for to see who gets crowned American Idol and if I'm having a baby. The fact that I'm typing this right now may give you one of the answers already unless you are a moron and can't figure it out.
Anyway, before we get into the results, I have to make some comments on the 2 hour + show we had to sit thru. Well, it's a lot less time with DVR to fast forward through some of the nonsense.
1. Why did they have to have Mikalah Gordon as a correspondent again? She's so disgusting and annoying. Listen Mikelah, you are NOT Fran Dresher. You didn't even make the Top 10 on American Idol. And Sanjaya Malakar and William Hung have sold more CDs then you could even imagine.
2. The Golden Idol Awards. Right when I heard they were doing the awards again, three names immediately stood out: Norman Gentle, Bikini Girl, and Tataina Del Toro. And it turns out, these three stooges were the winners of three different awards.
3. Norman Gentle, after winning a Golden Idol Award, got to perform his routine in front of millions of people singing his version of "And I Am Telling You.". He's never going to sell out arenas doing his shtick but I can see him able to do the comedy club circuit with his act.
4. Later in the show, Katrina Darrell, aka Bikini girl, won her award and showed off her new set of boobs. She always and the nice body but she went the Kelli Pickler route and got a nice new set of bazongas ! She sings "Vision of Love" in her trademark bikini. She struggles through the first part of the song and out comes Kara trying to sing over her and obviously singing much better but so annoying (even though all staged). This Kara chick just loves her self. She then rips open her outfit to sing in a Bikini of her own. Okay...enough of this.
5. The final Idol award went to none other than Tatiana. She is more annoying than Allison Irritating, Mikehah Gordon, Paris Bennett, Natalie Maines, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell, Starr Jones, Gordon Ramsey, and the entire Lohan family all put together. This Tatiana girl loved herself all auditions and thank the lord she never made the Top 13. She can't sing. Her legs are so fat that she has no right wearing such a short skirt. And she is just a disgusting individual. I know this was all staged but the fact that I had to see this chick again on national TV brought back horrific memories.
6. There were some cool performances that I'd like to touch on as well. One of my favorites of the night was Lil Rounds doing a duet with Queen Latifah. What I noticed at first was how much bigger the Queen's butt was than Lil Rounds. Lil Rounds always had Big Rounds in the buttocks but compared to Latifah, it was more Lil Rounds. So, after watching this duet, I wondered why she didn't sing like that all season? She was great. That was her best performance since early on doing the Mary J. Blige song. She was lil' good last night and if she had done more performances like that, she would have been around a lil' longer.
7. Is it me or does anyone think Fergie is "hot"? I think she's disgusting and her voice is not even that good. When Jasmine Murray sings some better notes than Fergie, you know there are issues with the performance.
8. Not counting John Parr's "St. Elmo's Fire" and Mr. Mister's "Kyrie", my third favorite 80's song is Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time." As soon as I heard that Cyndi was doing it with Allison Irritating, I got so depressed. This could have been a great performance if anyone other than Allison was singing and botching this song. Her "rocker" voice seems so forced and unnatural. Allison, please do the Idol tour, and then go back to your trailer park and choose a new aspiration, like maybe becoming a clerk at your local K-mart. You may think I'm crazy but she'll be lucky to sell as many CDs as Jasmine Trias or Diana DeGarmo.
9. With all the Lionel Richie songs out there, why is Danny Gokey singing "Hello." He sings it well with Lionel but "Hello" was all David Cook last year and they keep on having someone sing a version not as good as Cook's last year.
10. I thought it was funny that the two contestants with the worst voices - Michael Sarver and Megan Joy - had to sing with Steve Martin playing a banjo. It was quite painful hearing them sing. I think my ear oozed some blood.
11. Whey didn't then give Scott MacIntyre any solo lines? They should have gotten someone to sing with him at the piano. Idol missed out on a potentially great moment. Scott could be this year's 4th best selling artist behind Kris, Adam, and Danny.
12. I loved Adam's performance with Kiss. He could totally be a lead singer for a rock band. Curiously, what girl out there would want Gene Simmons tongue down your throat?
13. So, I'm getting close to the live feed. It's past 10:00 and I'm basically watching around 9:50 when Adam and Kris were singing "We Are The Champions" with Queen less the dead lead singer. Then, all of a sudden, I get an Amber Alert on my screen. There was an abduction in my county and the channel changes to channel 18 (the TV Guide Channel) where they post the alert and "Idol Tonight" is playing in the background. The remote control locks and I can't get back to the DVR. I can't play the show. I am stuck on this channel knowing that I'm so close to hearing who wins. My fear is that when the Amber Alert ends, that FOX could be in the background or the news and I could find out who wins Idol the wrong way. I start cursing and punching the couch as issues during the finale are not new to me. Two years ago, FOX went way over the feed and I missed the end when Jordan won only to find out the winner on the news. Last year, I had a minor blackout before hearing the winner but got to see the end. Finally, I'm able to get off channel 18 and luckily the TV was on channel 2 with "Criminal Minds" on in the background. So, I was able to go back to the DVR to finish the Queen performance. And then the Amber Alert happened again. SHIT ! I'm stuck again. Then, it clears up and I'm able to go back to the show on DVR. They are now both standing with Ryan getting ready to announce the winner and I get the Amber Alert again. Can you F**KING believe this nonsense. So, while this Amber Alert is on my screen, behind the writing on "Idol Tonight" (TV guide's pre and post show), it looks like Adam just hugged someone and was happy. I was so MAD that I had thought that the winner was ruined watching through the writing of this Amber Alert. I wasn't upset that Adam won but I hate watching a show for 5 months to find out this way. Finally, the TV unlocks and I go back to the DVR to resume watching. Ryan then announces that the winner of American Idol Season 8 is.....KRIS ALLEN. What? I could have sworn I just saw Adam win but I guess it was during a prior week's elimination when he hugged someone. So, the fact that Kris Allen won American Idol is a total shock to begin with but the fact that I thought I saw Adam win and then am told that Kris won made it that much more shocking. Wow, the underdog, the dark horse, pulled it off.
14. Kris must have gotten all of Danny Gokey's votes from last week. There is also the Wal*Mart factor where there are over 200,000 employees working for them, plus about 100,000,000 shoppers each week go through Wal*mart's doors and that all relates to Arkansas where Kris is from.
14. It's the week of the underdog. First Shawn Johnson wins Dancing With The Stars. Before that, Helen, another underdog, won Biggest Loser. And now Kris Allen takes American Idol.
15. As for Adam, he'll be fine. He's probably relieved that he won't be locked into a CD that has Kara's "No Boundaries" on it. He'll be fine. He'll tour. He'll sell CDs. He'll be on Broadway. He'll be fine. And maybe, if we are lucky, he'll become that Rum Tug Tugger one day.
16. My good friend hated Adam and said that if Adam Lambert won American Idol that the world would end. I'm happy to say that we can now all continue to live our lives.
17. So, Kris Allen is our American Idol. I'm definitely happy for the guy and I think he'll need American Idol a bit more than Adam would. He'll have a nice career and a good ending to a good season.
18. If you still didn't figure it out, I we didn't have the baby yet.
And, we'll see ya next year....
Birdman Out !
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