Sanjaya On Letterman

“Top Ten Things I Learned From American Idol” list in descending order.

10. The camera adds ten pounds to your Mohawk.

9. Work hard and make sacrifices, you can finish in 7th place.

8. It’s very important to “Keep it real, dawg.”

7. I should have gone for the immunity idol – oh, wait that’s “Survivor.”

6. On-camera Simon is a bit nasty, but off-camera, he’s a total jerk.

5. Voting for yourself 100 times an hour causes some wicked carpal tunnel.

4. When you forget the words, just do this “wo ho ho, yes he did.”

3. Honestly, I though I was auditioning for “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?”

2. Nothing.

1. American loves performers with bad hair--right, Dave?

Boo-Hoo...Sanjaya Finally Gone

So sad. Boo Freggin Hoo. Sanjaya is finally gone. About time. Now let's get rid of EVERYONE so we can have a finals of Jordin vs. Melinda and end this horrific season already.

Season 6: Top 7 Perform

At first, I was pissed off that we were going to go from Latino week to country week with Martina McBride as the coach, but ya know what, it was better than I thought; however, it was still not good for some of the singers. Here's how it played out:

Phil Stacy kicks off the show singing "When The Black Top Ends" by Keith Urban. First of all, I liked his cheesy outfit for the song he was singing. I'm not a Phil fan but he actually pulled off this country song. Looking at this egg head, who would know that he should be signing country songs. I actually enjoyed the performance, the dancing, the stage presence, etc... He definitely saved his ass with this performance.

My favorite, Jordin Sparks, was up next singing "Broken Wing" by Martina McBride. Yeah, singing a song by the coach as a slight ass-kissing effect to it but I didn't mind. The song started out good and then half way through the song she took it to another level. The song was perfectly done. It's shaping up like a Sparks vs. Doolittle finale. And, I'm sticking with my early prediction that Jordin Sparks will be the next American Idol and it now looks like Cowell is joining my bandwagon.

Following this performance was Mr. Sanjaya Malakar. He sung a song that I loathe - "Somethin' To Talk About" by Bonnie Raitt. First of all, Sanjaya, wearing a bandana over his head, looked like a cross between a cleaning lady and a bus boy in a night club. It was really creepy. And the singing was really bad. He couldn't have picked a more Keroke-like song. And, if you are going to go into the audience and sing, you need to have a better voice. I actually didn't think it was his worst performance but the whole thing is turning into a major joke already. We are coming down the home stretch on this season so Sanjaya time is ticking. However, I don't think he'll go home this week yet.

Next up was LaKisha Jones signing Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take The Wheel." First of all, you should NOT sing a hit song from a prior Idol contestant. That is just stupid. You need to separate yourself from a prior contestant. Secondly, she didn't show the knockers this week. I think the cleavage should have come out a bit more to help her with votes because she'll need them this week after this horrific performance. I was singing in my head "Jesus, Give Me Earplugs." What the hell was she doing? It was near unlistenable to. It was out of tune and it totally didn't work for her voice. Plus, I hated her gold boots. Her legs looked like C3-PO. Lakisha is in a bit of trouble.

Chris Richardson followed singing "Mayberry." This is up there with one of the worst performances ever in Idol History. The song was sung entirely thru his nostrils and sounded like he was whining like a kids and he squeaked his way through the song. Plus, the dancing and head movements made me want to crack my own neck. Chris basically has gotten this far because little girls think he's cute. But, now with the field getting tight, people need to see that this guy can not sing. If he thinks he's going to have a career in music, he better brace for being poor his entire life.

Melinda Doolittle sung next. She chose "Trouble Is A Women". And yes, she sung it very well. It was one of her best performances. And the stylists are making her look a bit less squished together. She's still funny looking but she can sing. I wish she had nicer teeth. Maybe some dentist will give her the Elliot Yamin treatment before releasing her first CD.

Finally, Blake ends the show singing "When The Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw. It was horrendous. It was out of tune and his performance was boring. He didn't dance, beat box, or do much except go through the motions of singing this beyond boring son. It's crunch time and he surely crunched.

So, let's say Sanjaya stays. The bottom 3 are: Lakisha, Chris, and Blake. I think Blake goes back to the chairs leaving Lakisha and Chris. And I hope and pray that it is Chris that gets the boot. See ya next week.

Birdman out.

Legs Have Left The Building

It came down to Baldy or Legs. Legs has been such a bad singer the entire season that it was finally time to go. Maybe look for her in a stocking advertisement one day.

Season 6: Top 8 Perform

A few years back, American Idol did Gloria Estefan night where the contestants sung Latino music. That was one of the worst nights in Idol history. Well, that all changed last night with Jennifer Lopez's Latino night. Why don't the producers understand that to sing Latino music, you MUST be Latino. It's sort of like when they have Country night, it's not fair to the black singers. Last night wasn't fair to ANY of the singers. Here's how last nights crap fest went down:

Melinda was up first singing "Sway." What was weird was that her hair and dress made her look about 45 years old, but, it somehow made her look a bit stretched out and not as scrunched up. The dwarfism didn't bother me as much whatever the stylists did to her. Her singing was good. She did a good job based on this category. The performance was far from sexy and was nothing to write home about but it was a solid performance. Don't get me wrong...I will NOT be buying a Doolittle CD one day.

LaKisha followed with "Conga." The second I heard the song choice, I let out an, "Oye Vey." First of all, the outfit. She was wearing this red dress with these zebra-like stripes which revealed her gymongous (not sure if that is a word but I'm using it anyway), bodaceous tah-tas ! They look like these brown helium balloons that if they weren't tucked into her dress, they would just float away. Men who did that full-figured look had plenty of visuals for their self-pleasuring that evening. Anyway, I'm getting off track. As soon as Lakisha completed her song, I declared her to be in the bottom 3. I thought it was the wrong song choice and it was sung horribly. I thought it was out of tune and parts of it sounded like she was out of breath. I know she has a better voice than what came out of her mouth last night. Maybe it has to do with the Latino music but WOW...it was bad.

Following LaKisha was Chris singing Santana's "Smooth." This performance was far from smooth. It was actually quite rough to listen to and watch as well. First of all, what was with is outfit. It was a bit Michael Jacksonesque with his shirt and jacket. As for the performance, he can't dance. He does this twitch with his head when he sings which drives me bananas. Go to a chiropractor if you have next issues but please stop doing that. And his arms and hands, it's like this slow motion R&B sway which just looks completely awkward. As for the singing, this is where I apologized to LaKisha as this was even more painful than her performance. This guy is the most overrated singer left in the competition. He's not suited for big time. This was really a high school talent show performance.

Hitting the stage next was Haley who made a huge mistake singing "Turn The Beat Around." I remember Diana Degarmo doing this bad in Season 3 but this made Diana's performance sound like a Grammy performance. Haley needed to turn the beat OFF. Bad song choice and it was sung horribly. This song you need to have a strong voice and be able to sing the lyrics fast in certain points. She failed at both. But, you do have to applaud the legs. Simon finally said something which I've been saying about the outfits getting skimpier and skimpier. Hey, if you can't sing it, flaunt it ! What's weird is that for Lakisha's performance, I'm staring at these enormous jugs and for this performance, it's about legs. But this isn't a body parts contest; it's about singing which was bad.

Following this terrible performance was Phil singing "Maria Maria." Phil, Phil, Phil. What the hell was coming out of your mouth. He sang the song like there were marbles in his mouth. The best part of his performance was when it was over. He voice was all over the place and the entire song was out of tune. Again, singing Latino music didn't help but he's really not that good anyway. How could this guy be in the Top 8 when Sabrina Sloan is still at home watching. A poor job by the judges putting some of these people in the competition this season. He needs to disqualify himself and go back to the Navy.

Now comes Jordin Sparks singing "Rhythm Is Gonna Get You." This was a good song choice because the song almost sounds a bit more R&B than it does Latino. She looked good and sung the song nicely. It was definitely the best performance of the bad night but I still wanted it to be a bit better. I like her so I'm not gonna blast her at all. Based on looks, personality, stage presence, and voice, she should win the whole thing. But, as we know, the best doesn't always win.

And now comes Blake kissing Jennifer's ass singing her husband's song "I Need To Know." Blake is a good performer. I'll give him that. But the performance last night was nothing to remember. He really didn't move much. It was almost as if he was too tired to show off his dance skills while singing. As for his voice, which I don't love, actually sounded decent last night. It was the perfect song choice for him. Hey...he did a good job. But, whoop-dee-doo !

Ouch....they saved Sanjaya for last which "last" mostly means the best performance of the night. What was weird was that they made this indian boy almost look like a Latino artist. Great job by the stylist. He sang a song called "Besame Mucho" which was sung all in Spanish. I don't like his voice at all and it's so creepy looking at him but it was not his worst vocals. It could have been the most boring song in 6 seasons especially since it was sung in another language but for Sanjaya, it was probably is best vocals even though it still stank, if that makes any sense. Pathetically, he's safe for another week.

So, who goes home? Who's the bottom 3. It's almost hard to choose. I'm gonna go with Phil, Haley, and Chris. And LaKisha could be on the bubble as well with her performance. Still, I'm rooting for Chris to go home but it's most likely going to be Phil or Haley. I'll say Phil goes home. Personally, they could all go home for all I care. Birdman Out.

Gina Gets The Boot

She wasn't the worst singer left in the competition. However, she totally wrecked her image. She wasn't going to win this season anyway so does it really matter? Good-Bye Gina ! You were actually much better than Nikki McKibbin and Ryan Starr for being a "rocker chick."

Season 6: Top 9 Perform

Well, I'm back from vacation and it seems that the singing on American Idol this year is still on vacation. I'm starting to think that the judges are making good comments on bad performances so they don't look as stupid this late in the game because they are the ones that basically put these people in the Top 24 to begin with. Anyway, here's how Tony Bennett night went down:

Blake Lewis was first to hit the stage singing "Mack The Knife." I think Blake is a good performer but if you actually don't look at him perform and just listen to the singing, it really isn't that good. His voice is not strong at all. He does a decent job but Whoop De Freggin' Doo ! This guy is going to go deep but would you shell out $14.99 for a Blake Lewis CD? If people aren't buying Taylor Hick's CD, no one will buy this guy's crap.

Next up was Phil Stacy singing "Night And Day." Phil has really gone down hill as far as I'm concerned. His voice is weak and when he belts the power part, its not even that strong. He so tries to sound like Clay but he sounds a bit more like Michael Sandecki (that weird Clay wannabee guy). Phil, Phil, Phil...not good man. Not even close! Paula even said that Phil reminds her of Frank Sinatra. She must be deaf. It's more like Frank Snot.

Our resident dwarf Melinda Doolittle is up next singing "I've Got Rhythm" which is a great song choice. I actually enjoyed her performance. She sung the song good and they made her look better than normal. But when I look at her, it's a head on a shoulder with a missing neck. Then, there is a short space of chest before a bust with a belt right under that with her legs. She's missing sections of her body - The next and the waist. It's really awkward to look at. Yes...she's a good singer but there is NO sex appeal. I can't see her actually selling CDs.

Wannabee Chris Richardson followed with "Don't Get Around Much Anymore." He came down the stairs like he was going to go into some Michael Jackson dancing but really was just clapping his hands and strutting a bit. If you are gonna start out a performance in a MJ pose, then you better break out some dance moves. The difference between Chris and Blake is that Blake can perform and Chris doesn't have a clue. He looks ridiculous up there trying to think he's the lead in a boy band. Well...maybe he'll be in a boy band, one that performs for local Bar Mitzvahs. His voice is terrible despite what the judges say. I just don't get this act at all.

Next up was Jordin Sparks. She sang "On A Clear Day." She sung it nice until the end. Then, she really WOW'd me. I've said it from the beginning that she will WIN AI6 and she is starting to prove me correct. I don't think she's as strong as some of the singers in the past - Kelly, Carrie, Latoya, Tamayra, and Vonzell, but in this year's crop, she's at the top !

Then came Gina Glocksen who was a visual nightmare. She sang "Smile" and watching the performance, all I could do was frown. Her image was all wrong. I didn't like the hair on her. I didn't like her dress. I didn't like her makeup. I didn't like her stockings. I hate those netted stockings. It's too S&Mish for me. Gina should be more hard and edgy. Not sure what she was trying to do but it didn't work for me. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever heard but it wasn't her best. She was so much better last week. She could be on the bubble this week.

Okay, it was now Sanjaya time. He "sang" a song called "Cheek To Cheek." It was more like butt cheek to porcelain bowl because his performance, pardon the French, was shit. What else can you say anymore? It doesn't matter. He's not gonna be in the bottom 3 again as the country is calling in votes for him in droves. Imagine if Sanjaya won this season? If that happened, American Idol would have officially jumped the shark. What the hell was he wearing? It was like a Tony's jacket in Saturday Night Fever and his hair was all slicked back. Ewwwwww. It's creepy. Plus, he went into the audience and danced with Paula. If you walk thru the audience to do that, you MUST have a better voice. I'm actually embarrassed for him watching his creepy performances.

Following the train wreck was Haley Scarnato. Haley sung "Ain't Misbehavin." Her vocals weren't great but it wasn't her worst performance. What I liked was that she is showing her legs. Hell, if you can't sing it, flaunt it. She's be long gone if she hadn't started showing skin the last 3 weeks. The problem with this performance was that nobody cares. I'm mostly quiet during the performances and in the middle of her singing, we actually were talking about things other than her singing. It is were really good, I would have kept my mouth shut and focused on her singing. I've said it before, she is this year's Julia DeMato, but with legs.

Ending the show was LaKisha Jones. She sang "Stormy Weather." This girl is one gigantic tit that sings. I'm mesmerized by the size of her melons. She sang the song very good as it was not a copy cat performance. Am I blown away by LaKisha? Hell no. Is she a good singer? Yes. Will I vote for her? No. Will she win this year's competition? I hope not.

So, that leaves the bottom 3. Hmmmmmm. Let's say Sanjaya is safe even though he deserves to be in the bottom. My bottom 3 would be: Gina, Phil, and Haley with Phil going home. I'd love to be wrong and have Chris in the bottom but I think horny teenage girls are giving him the "cute" vote. Yuck.

We'll see what happens. Birdman Out