Things got a bit bitter in Memphis last night. I was a bit nervous that we'd have tons of Elvis impersonators singing Elvis songs. Personally, Elvis is dead and let's keep him that way. I can't stand looking at him or people that dress up like him. I hate his songs and people who sing his songs. Nuff said.
Move over Jordan Sparks, you are now not the only person to be a sure lock for the Top 12. The new sheriff in town is Sundance Head. Yes, I said Sundance Head. That's the dude's real name, I shit you not. This guy, a bit hefty, comes out with this gigantic goatee looking more like a WWF wrestler than a singer. But, once he said that his dad had a #1 hit that was knocked out of the top spot by The Beatles, you knew this boy had pipes. And hell yeah, the boy can sing. Not quite sure what horrific song he sang but you can tell this guy is going deep. What makes it ironic is that he said his father hates the Beatles and rumor has it that Paul McCartney is one of the people on the show this season.
The first singer was a guy named Frank. Frank is the cheerleader captain for his high-school team. Awwwww, Frankie, isn't that sweet. Gimme an N. Gimme an O. What's that spell "NO !" The performance wasn't terrible, but it was a bit odd.
After that, that,there were three straight people that I didn't understand a word they said. One was named Tamika. It was the first bad Tamika since Season 1's famous Tamika. This one was no better. This girl was dumb as nails and I'm guessing she dropped out of school after 3rd grade. Then, there was Alexis who looked like a giraffe. Did you see her gums? This girl needs severe orthodontic work. Plus, she doesn't quite now how to speak or sing the English language either. Then, one guy followed and I couldn't understand a world he sung either. What is going on in Memphis? Are these people educated?
Then there was this guy who looked a bit like Fidel Castro. Not quite the image of a pop star. The judges gave this guy a pass to Hollywood. I would have given him a flights to Cuba. I was not impressed with this guy one bit.
Another bright spot was Melinda, the back-up vocalist. Not sure who she sang back up for but she had a decent voice. However, I'm not completely sold on her yet. Her biggest issue is her last name. It's Doolittle. I ain't running out to buy the new Doolittle album. Hell's no!
Oh, and let's not forget that loser who's wife just left him and he came in and sung "Footloose." This guy may have squashed his chances of finding a new wife after that audition. If I recall correctly, this is the guy who took the tissue out of his fly. Okay...that's a bit odd.
Finally, another girl I liked was Danielle McCullough. She was the cute blonde that sung some Aretha Franklin song. I think with a makeover, she'll have the looks to get to at least the Top 24.
I'm looking forward to New York Auditions tonight.
Birdman Out.
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