Perla Menses
So, it's been a while since we last spoke. But, now I'm back and ready to critique the American public that is competiting for the ultimate prize - American Idol Champ.
Will we have someone who can sing like Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Katherine McPhee, or Clay Aiken? Will there be the next Bo Bice, Taylor Hicks, or Chris Daughtry? Or, will we get shlubs like Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, or Elliot Yamin. Will 2nd place this year be better than Justin Guarini and Diana DeGarmo? And who win this year's MGPB Award, that's the Mikalah Gordon / Paris Bennett Award for being the MOST annoying singer of the season. But what we love is controversy. Like each season, the person to get to #4 and get eliminated was really the most talented - Tamayra Gray, Latoya London, and Chris Daughtry. And look at the big surprises we've seen. Yup...good ole Jennifer Hudson, eliminated in the #7 slot just won a Golden Globe. What the hell. Who will suck? Who will amaze? Who will surprise? And what drugs will Paula be taking this season? Well...the fun starts now !
The night started out perfect with this cheeseball named Jessica who works in the Mall of America. I hope for her sake that she didn't quit her job. She was devastated when the judges said she couldn't sing. Some people may thing what the judges do is mean but personally, it's giving these morons a reality check to stop following their dreams because it isn't gonna happen and figure out a different career. Nothing is better when someone thinks they are good get told the news that they are not and begin crying and are shocked that they didn't make it. I don't feel bad for these people at all. The judges are not the mean ones. The mean ones are the family and friends that encourage one to go on a show like this making the singer think that they really have talent. This makes for great TV.
Okay...what was up with that dork in the cowboy hat singing Johnny Cash? He must be tone deaf. And how about that loser dressed in red, white, and blue like Apollo Creed from the Rocky movies. Did he really think that dressing up like a flag would get him to the next round? I'm not even sure what to mention next as there was SO few people that I thought were good and there was not a single person that blew me away where I said, "That person will DEFINITELY be in the Top 12." That being said....
The highlight of the night had to be that Trista chick saying she could do a great impression of the lion from the "Wizard Of Oz." She came in and sung "King Of The Forrest" and when she belted it out and did that lion growl, Dorothy, Scare Crow, and Tin Man must have gone to the porcelain bowl to barf. That was beyond bizarre, but again, quite entertaining. Can you imagine being seen by 25+ million people putting on such a horrendous performance and then having to show your face at work or school the next day. I hope for her sake that she's on vacation this week.
Then there was some dude singing while juggling sticks. Okay...that's really cool, if your are ELEVEN years old. Oye Vey ! And holy crap, what was up with the chick that had Ace Young design a tattoo for her? She sang "Under Pressure" and Freddy Mercury must have been turning over in his grave if he had caught that performance.
Another classic moment was this guy who came in with a full beard and said it was an "Urban Amish" look. He never saw American Idol cause he doesn't have a TV. Huh? No TV? What does he do for entertainment? He must live on a farm so I'm guessing he's into bestiality. "Hey Mister Sheep...I'm bored...bend over....baaaaaa, baaaaaaaaa !"
Oh, and how about the guy who claimed he could hit notes that Mariah Carey hits? He starts singing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Hello. Dude...you are a GUY. You should NOT be signing Celine songs...PERIOD ! He claimed he was nervous that some water would help him. He comes back and sings just as bad, if not worse. Maybe he should have gotten a glass of talent instead of a glass or water.
Oh, and the Vocal teacher cracked me up. He comes out and blows into a pitch pipe. I can't even remember what he sang cause it was so painful to listen to. Ahhhh, now I remember. He sings Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing." and boy did he miss it. He claimed he once performed a song at Disney World but hopefully that was only in the presence of his family in his motel room.
And one more classic moment was the girl who tried to sing Prince's "Kiss" and kept on forgetting the words but they let her sing and sing and sing. She was definitely not prepared. I guess she should have used more Preparation H.
And then there was the girl who was OK, not the worst, but her boss flew her out cause they liked they way she sung around the office. I can't imagine what I'd do if one of the girls at work just started belting out tunes all the time and it wasn't that good. I'd probably kill myself.
Finally, there was one more really bad singer that stood out. Some "rocker" dude sang as if he was squeezing out doody. The judges told him to come back and sing an Abba song. What he did to Dancing Queen was unexplainable. I actually had to lower the volume as I was getting an ear ache.
But, the show wasn't all that bad. There were a few standouts but not many. There was the Navy guy who was decent. There was the16 year old Paris Bennett look-a-like who's mother was a crack addict, and there was the Columbian girl who was a Sharika rip-off. These three were good but I wouldn't put them in the Top 24. There were a few others but it was VERY few. I think they said the count was 17 that made the Hollywood round. We probably heard maybe 5 of them so hopefully the other 12 can sing.
Looking forward to more auditions tonight.
Birdman Out
Will we have someone who can sing like Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Katherine McPhee, or Clay Aiken? Will there be the next Bo Bice, Taylor Hicks, or Chris Daughtry? Or, will we get shlubs like Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, or Elliot Yamin. Will 2nd place this year be better than Justin Guarini and Diana DeGarmo? And who win this year's MGPB Award, that's the Mikalah Gordon / Paris Bennett Award for being the MOST annoying singer of the season. But what we love is controversy. Like each season, the person to get to #4 and get eliminated was really the most talented - Tamayra Gray, Latoya London, and Chris Daughtry. And look at the big surprises we've seen. Yup...good ole Jennifer Hudson, eliminated in the #7 slot just won a Golden Globe. What the hell. Who will suck? Who will amaze? Who will surprise? And what drugs will Paula be taking this season? Well...the fun starts now !
The night started out perfect with this cheeseball named Jessica who works in the Mall of America. I hope for her sake that she didn't quit her job. She was devastated when the judges said she couldn't sing. Some people may thing what the judges do is mean but personally, it's giving these morons a reality check to stop following their dreams because it isn't gonna happen and figure out a different career. Nothing is better when someone thinks they are good get told the news that they are not and begin crying and are shocked that they didn't make it. I don't feel bad for these people at all. The judges are not the mean ones. The mean ones are the family and friends that encourage one to go on a show like this making the singer think that they really have talent. This makes for great TV.
Okay...what was up with that dork in the cowboy hat singing Johnny Cash? He must be tone deaf. And how about that loser dressed in red, white, and blue like Apollo Creed from the Rocky movies. Did he really think that dressing up like a flag would get him to the next round? I'm not even sure what to mention next as there was SO few people that I thought were good and there was not a single person that blew me away where I said, "That person will DEFINITELY be in the Top 12." That being said....
The highlight of the night had to be that Trista chick saying she could do a great impression of the lion from the "Wizard Of Oz." She came in and sung "King Of The Forrest" and when she belted it out and did that lion growl, Dorothy, Scare Crow, and Tin Man must have gone to the porcelain bowl to barf. That was beyond bizarre, but again, quite entertaining. Can you imagine being seen by 25+ million people putting on such a horrendous performance and then having to show your face at work or school the next day. I hope for her sake that she's on vacation this week.
Then there was some dude singing while juggling sticks. Okay...that's really cool, if your are ELEVEN years old. Oye Vey ! And holy crap, what was up with the chick that had Ace Young design a tattoo for her? She sang "Under Pressure" and Freddy Mercury must have been turning over in his grave if he had caught that performance.
Another classic moment was this guy who came in with a full beard and said it was an "Urban Amish" look. He never saw American Idol cause he doesn't have a TV. Huh? No TV? What does he do for entertainment? He must live on a farm so I'm guessing he's into bestiality. "Hey Mister Sheep...I'm bored...bend over....baaaaaa, baaaaaaaaa !"
Oh, and how about the guy who claimed he could hit notes that Mariah Carey hits? He starts singing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Hello. Dude...you are a GUY. You should NOT be signing Celine songs...PERIOD ! He claimed he was nervous that some water would help him. He comes back and sings just as bad, if not worse. Maybe he should have gotten a glass of talent instead of a glass or water.
Oh, and the Vocal teacher cracked me up. He comes out and blows into a pitch pipe. I can't even remember what he sang cause it was so painful to listen to. Ahhhh, now I remember. He sings Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing." and boy did he miss it. He claimed he once performed a song at Disney World but hopefully that was only in the presence of his family in his motel room.
And one more classic moment was the girl who tried to sing Prince's "Kiss" and kept on forgetting the words but they let her sing and sing and sing. She was definitely not prepared. I guess she should have used more Preparation H.
And then there was the girl who was OK, not the worst, but her boss flew her out cause they liked they way she sung around the office. I can't imagine what I'd do if one of the girls at work just started belting out tunes all the time and it wasn't that good. I'd probably kill myself.
Finally, there was one more really bad singer that stood out. Some "rocker" dude sang as if he was squeezing out doody. The judges told him to come back and sing an Abba song. What he did to Dancing Queen was unexplainable. I actually had to lower the volume as I was getting an ear ache.
But, the show wasn't all that bad. There were a few standouts but not many. There was the Navy guy who was decent. There was the16 year old Paris Bennett look-a-like who's mother was a crack addict, and there was the Columbian girl who was a Sharika rip-off. These three were good but I wouldn't put them in the Top 24. There were a few others but it was VERY few. I think they said the count was 17 that made the Hollywood round. We probably heard maybe 5 of them so hopefully the other 12 can sing.
Looking forward to more auditions tonight.
Birdman Out
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