Thursday, February 1, 2007

Season 6: Seattle Auditions Re-Cap


Darwin "Meisha" Reedy

From the city that gave us the overrated Nirvana, Seattle was the next city to show us what they got and from what I saw last night, they don't got much.

There were some bright spots and one stand out. A shoe-in for the Top 12 is Jordan Sparks. The second she walked in, this girl had the look, personality, and the style. Now, she just had to be able to sing. And boy did she ever. She belted out "Because I Love You" by Celine Dion and it blew me away. Remember the name cause she is going DEEP in this competition.

There was another kid with spiked hair that was decent but didn't blow me away. He truly needs an image makeover.

Oh, and let's not forget the brother/sister combo of Sonjay and Shyamali. They had decent voices. The boy was a bit better than the girl. However, the boy was a bit creepy looking with the long hair. They may crack the Top 24 if they are lucky but there's no way in hell that they are going any further than that.

Some guy Rudy made it to Hollywood singing "Open Arms". I can't even remember exactly what I didn't love about him but the Judges gave him a pass to Hollywood. And let's not forget about the 6' 7" woman singing "Respect". My lord that bitch was TALL. She sang decently but she should probably focus her efforts on getting drafted for the WNBA (ladies basketball).

I do have to give Hats Off to the Beat Box Champion. I actually though what he did was pretty interesting. He could be a dark horse if he remains original and if he can really sing. He's a big question mark for me but could sneak into the Top 24.

However, most of the night consisted of duds. Why did this show have another guy dressed up in Red, White, and Blue like Uncle Sam? And this guy sung "God Bless America." Yeah...that's a great pop song to sing. After he dressed up as a state trooper in a previous season singing "I Shot The Sherrif", you'd think he would have taken enough abuse to not audition again.
Ahhhhh, and then there was Jennifer. Oh, I mean "HOT" Jennifer as she called herself. She came out with a pointy nose like the Wicked Witch and her upper lip was right under her nose. Isn't there supposed to be a space between the nose and the upper lip? She was arguing that the judges knew nothing about music. I'm sure we'll see her accepting a Grammy real soon...NOT !

Let's not forget about Darwin "Meisha" Reedy, that chubby bleach blond with bright red lipstick who was there with her transsexual looking mother. Now, these were very creepy people. She sang the Pussycat's "Don't You" and I was flabbergasted. However, I believe this was totally staged. This seemed too bizarre to be real. It was like watching a bad skit on Saturday Night Live. So, I'm not really going to touch this subject because of my opinion that it was fake. Even if it was fake, it made me think back to the train wreck from last season, none other than Mary Roach.

There was also this guy who looked exactly like Taylor Hicks but was a hairdresser. He sort of came off like he was drunk. I hope he is a good hairdresser because he has no future in the music industry.

Seattle had it's share of inbreds (by-products of first cousins mating) - Ken & Jonathan - who became friends at the audition. I can't even remember what they sang because it was so horrendous. Ken, really short, came out with these bulging eyes and the Judges pretty much said he looked like a monkey.l They were right on the money. And then his chubby friend Jonathan, looking a bit like a retarded version of Chris Farley, came out and wrecked a song as well. I almost felt bad for these two as they were not normal individuals.

Oh, and let's not forget Carleen. She came out with these enormous arms that we couldn't tell if she was sunburned or what the hell was on her. It turned out that it was some pink netting that didn't quite keeps the blubber in place. I've never seen an outfit like this in my life. I almost spit out a girl scout cookie I was eating when I first saw her. Plus, she couldn't sing. You'll see her on a future "American Idol" special recapping the Worst Of The Worst.

One of my favorite bad singers of the evening was Nick from Utah. He looked like a total nebbish with a hair part right down the middle of his hair. He sung "Unchained Melody" and destroyed the song. He was worse that William Hung could have ever been. This guy needs to quit his job as a software engineer and never show his face in public again.

The show ended with the Red headed lumberjack, axe murder looking dude. I think his name could have been Steve. He sung Bohemian Rhapsody which his version should have been retitled Bohemian Crapsody !

So, that was Seattle. Not the best city I've seen. Let's hope the future cities bring more talent that Minnesota and Seattle did.

Until next week...Birdman Out !

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