Ian Bernado
New York, New York...start spreading the news. We are in the Big Apple. The City that never sleeps. The auditions continued here on Brodway so let's see how they did.
First of all, what is up with Carol Bayer Sager. What is up with all that plastic surgery and why did you have the surgeon make you look exactly like Joan Collins? She was hard to look at.
Okay, the first guy out was Ian Bernado. I know his name cause the moron had it silk screened to his T-shirt. He was a terrible dancer when he auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance. And, now here is his singing "Gloria." I personally think this guy just wanted to be on TV. It was pretty fake if you ask me. He was annoying as hell but since I don't think he was serious and just wanted to put on his routine, I'm not gonna put any effort in bashing this f**kin' loser.
Next up was this Jewish girl...I think her last name may have been Goldberg, Goldstiein, Goldman, or something with a Gold. She came out with this horrific red cowboy hat and couldn't keep a note. She wanted the judges to teach her how to sing. Hey Goldylocks...take some lessons to learn how to sing and then maybe try out. Personally, it would be a waste of your time and money. Give up your dream and apply to Wal*Mart as a cashier.
There was a positive note in the evening. How about this girl who cut school and then had to tell her dad she cut school to try out for Hollywood. It wasn't the best performance but it was solid. Now, let's just hope that when she gets home, her dad doesn't beat the living crap out of her.
Oh, and let's not forget Ashanti. First of all, change your name. I think we got an Ashanti already making albums. Second, you made it to the Hollywood round twice and didn't get past that so why waste your time trying again. It turned out to be a total waste of time. She probably could get a job singing in local town productions and maybe be a lead singer in a group of Christmas Carolers.
Amanda and Antonella were positives in the evening. I can't remember which was which so I'll refer to them as the white one and the black one. The white one had a decent voice but her voice wasn't strong. She has a long shot of making the top 24. However, her 'BEST" friend, the black one, had the look and the pipes to make the Top 24 if not further. She could be the Vonzell Solomon of this year's crop.
And we even had some more talent as well. There was a guy Nicholas who quit the competition the prior year when forgetting the lyrics to "Buttercup". Come one dude...this is not a tough song to remember. Anyway, Paula loved this guy's look and he had a nice voice. I'm not sold him yet but he could be one of those tough decisions on whether he makes the top 24 or not.
Holy crap...before I forget. What was up with that guy Chris who they said looked like Simon Cowell but when he sung, he sounded exactly like a girl. It was beyond creepy. This guy has pedofile written all over his face.
Another decent singer was Porcelana. Interesting name huh? She used to be a chubby girl but went on the Biggest Loser diet and looked great. She had an interesting voice as well so she could garner votes from the horny boys going thru puberty.
I was not a fan of Rachel the opera singer. I didn't think she even sung the opera that well. She got a pass to Hollywood but she's a goner in the first elimination they have as she ain't going anywhere with that irritating voice and look.
One of the best performance of the night was from Jenry, a good looking black man who is just 16 years old. He looks like his is in his mid 20's. Paula was starring him down like a piece of meat. Paula, can you say "statutory rape"? This guy's looks and talent could take him pretty deep in the competition.
Another guy that could go deep is Chris Richardson. Randy said he looks a bit like Justin Timberlake. So, he has the girls vote in his favor if his voice is as strong as it was last night. He's not a lock for the Top 24 but definitely has a chance.
There was also this irritating girl Sarah who claimed she is tone deaf and can't sing. She claims you don't have to sing to be an American Idol and used Paris Hilton as an example. That's is true, Paris can't sing but she isn't an American Idol either. This girl was putting on a routine. At a few points, it looked like she was gonna laugh at what she was doing. This was an example of someone trying to be so irritating and strange just to get on TV. I didn't buy the performance one bit. Oh, and she sucked too.
And the final contestant was Isadora who Ryan kept on calling Julie. This girl was just bizarre. She was attempting to sing "Lady Marmalade." Before she sang, she said she has sung with George Clinton and in other places were I can get arrested." What the hell does that mean? Anyway, her singing sounded like moaning almost like if she was having an orgasm on stage. It was beyond horrible to listen to and I'm glad this was the final performance because I couldn't listen to more of anyone like her.
Well, that's the scoop. Birdman Out.
First of all, what is up with Carol Bayer Sager. What is up with all that plastic surgery and why did you have the surgeon make you look exactly like Joan Collins? She was hard to look at.
Okay, the first guy out was Ian Bernado. I know his name cause the moron had it silk screened to his T-shirt. He was a terrible dancer when he auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance. And, now here is his singing "Gloria." I personally think this guy just wanted to be on TV. It was pretty fake if you ask me. He was annoying as hell but since I don't think he was serious and just wanted to put on his routine, I'm not gonna put any effort in bashing this f**kin' loser.
Next up was this Jewish girl...I think her last name may have been Goldberg, Goldstiein, Goldman, or something with a Gold. She came out with this horrific red cowboy hat and couldn't keep a note. She wanted the judges to teach her how to sing. Hey Goldylocks...take some lessons to learn how to sing and then maybe try out. Personally, it would be a waste of your time and money. Give up your dream and apply to Wal*Mart as a cashier.
There was a positive note in the evening. How about this girl who cut school and then had to tell her dad she cut school to try out for Hollywood. It wasn't the best performance but it was solid. Now, let's just hope that when she gets home, her dad doesn't beat the living crap out of her.
Oh, and let's not forget Ashanti. First of all, change your name. I think we got an Ashanti already making albums. Second, you made it to the Hollywood round twice and didn't get past that so why waste your time trying again. It turned out to be a total waste of time. She probably could get a job singing in local town productions and maybe be a lead singer in a group of Christmas Carolers.
Amanda and Antonella were positives in the evening. I can't remember which was which so I'll refer to them as the white one and the black one. The white one had a decent voice but her voice wasn't strong. She has a long shot of making the top 24. However, her 'BEST" friend, the black one, had the look and the pipes to make the Top 24 if not further. She could be the Vonzell Solomon of this year's crop.
And we even had some more talent as well. There was a guy Nicholas who quit the competition the prior year when forgetting the lyrics to "Buttercup". Come one dude...this is not a tough song to remember. Anyway, Paula loved this guy's look and he had a nice voice. I'm not sold him yet but he could be one of those tough decisions on whether he makes the top 24 or not.
Holy crap...before I forget. What was up with that guy Chris who they said looked like Simon Cowell but when he sung, he sounded exactly like a girl. It was beyond creepy. This guy has pedofile written all over his face.
Another decent singer was Porcelana. Interesting name huh? She used to be a chubby girl but went on the Biggest Loser diet and looked great. She had an interesting voice as well so she could garner votes from the horny boys going thru puberty.
I was not a fan of Rachel the opera singer. I didn't think she even sung the opera that well. She got a pass to Hollywood but she's a goner in the first elimination they have as she ain't going anywhere with that irritating voice and look.
One of the best performance of the night was from Jenry, a good looking black man who is just 16 years old. He looks like his is in his mid 20's. Paula was starring him down like a piece of meat. Paula, can you say "statutory rape"? This guy's looks and talent could take him pretty deep in the competition.
Another guy that could go deep is Chris Richardson. Randy said he looks a bit like Justin Timberlake. So, he has the girls vote in his favor if his voice is as strong as it was last night. He's not a lock for the Top 24 but definitely has a chance.
There was also this irritating girl Sarah who claimed she is tone deaf and can't sing. She claims you don't have to sing to be an American Idol and used Paris Hilton as an example. That's is true, Paris can't sing but she isn't an American Idol either. This girl was putting on a routine. At a few points, it looked like she was gonna laugh at what she was doing. This was an example of someone trying to be so irritating and strange just to get on TV. I didn't buy the performance one bit. Oh, and she sucked too.
And the final contestant was Isadora who Ryan kept on calling Julie. This girl was just bizarre. She was attempting to sing "Lady Marmalade." Before she sang, she said she has sung with George Clinton and in other places were I can get arrested." What the hell does that mean? Anyway, her singing sounded like moaning almost like if she was having an orgasm on stage. It was beyond horrible to listen to and I'm glad this was the final performance because I couldn't listen to more of anyone like her.
Well, that's the scoop. Birdman Out.
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